Random June Thoughts - Part 2

This should have been expected after the last post was titled "Part 1."

• My laptop gets hot. Like, ridiculously, leave my thigh red from the heat hot. I have taken to resting it on an ice pack on a pillow sometimes. Does this seem like a problem to anyone else? It reminds me of this Penny Arcade comic. A penis panini does not sound like a good thing.


• Has anyone else seen the commercial for the 3DS version of Ocarina of Time with Robin Williams? He is rocking one of the most epic beards I have ever seen on a movie star! He also has a daughter named Zelda, which the commercial says he named after the character from the series. If that's true, that is awesome.


• I don't understand the business model of the ice cream truck. How is it possible to sell enough ice cream to pay for the gas to drive around my neighborhood all day playing that obnoxious song? I almost never see anyone buying any ice cream either. This leads me to the obvious conclusion that the ice cream truck is a front for illegal drug running. Nothing else makes sense.


• The Facebook app on my phone was being disagreeable the other day by telling me I had 2 unread notifications even though I couldn't find them anywhere in my message list. Being the completely rational person I am, instead of calmly searching for a solution to the annoyance of having a message indicator at the top of my phone for 4 hours, I deleted every single Facebook message and, when that still didn't work, deleted the whole app. Yeah, that's how I get down. Ok, yes, I reinstalled it a little later. But I think I put a healthy fear into it about how I'm not going to take this kind of nonsense in the future. Jon 1, phone 0.


• If you ever have a common household item that you want to get rid of but don't want to pay a fee at the dump (which I think are called "transfer stations" now... what's up with that?), just leave it in front of my mom's house. We put a crappy old grill out there, and it was gone in an hour. And last week we put Kathryn's dirty old couch out there, and it was gone in 45 minutes. Apparently people really like free stuff.

Stupid Face Story of the Week

Why can't people on Facebook successfully quote music? You clearly have internet access, so just look up the damn words!! And stop quoting rap songs about having tons of money if you don't. I seriously doubt that you're "up in the club" or "making it rain" on a Wednesday night.

-Jon

Random June Thoughts - Part 1

I was going to post this a couple days ago, but the Slick had to show up and actually write something, so I thought I might feel bad if I immediately pushed his post down. And if there's one thing I try to avoid, it's feeling bad. Well, that and scurvy.

Just for the sake of doing it, all thoughts will be posed in the form of a question.

• Do you think that the people who make cherry candy have ever actually eaten a cherry? There's pretty much no overlap in flavors there at all. But no one has a problem with that. Have you ever met someone who picked up an actual cherry to eat, but then spit it out because it doesn't taste like the candy? Side note - don't spit cherry pits at people, because they will stain their shirts and they will get mad at you.


• Did you ever notice that both Randy Johnson's real name and his nickname "The Big Unit" have wang references in them? Well you did now! Every time you see him on a Geico commercial, you're going to think of wangs now.


• Why is opening a checking account such a major ordeal? It should be like a 10 minute project. I give the bank some dollars, they give me a bank account number and mail me some checks. Instead it takes about the same amount of time it takes to get seen at the ER at Baystate. Haha, hospital burn!


• Are calf socks suddenly cool? I'm not talking about the socks that some basketball players wear that come up almost to their knees. I mean socks that go about 6 inches up people's calves. I see people wearing them all the time, and I laugh (usually to myself) every time. Seriously, they look terrible.


• Why do people break their cell phones so much, and, more importantly, why do they have to broadcast this fact on Facebook? I think that if you break your cell phone in a non-awesome way, you should be put on a technology hiatus for 2 weeks. So if your phone is toast because you jumped off a bridge to save a drowning person, that's cool. But if it's broken because you dropped in it your beer? Sorry, no more fancy toys for you. Maybe then you'll be more responsible. Know how many times I've broken a cell phone in the last 8 years? Zero. And I'm probably the most likely person to break one based on my track record of being unable to keep myself out of harm's way. Basically what I'm saying here is that people are stupid.

Stupid Facebook Story of the Week

People are constantly leaving their computer logged in to Facebook or not paying attention to their cell phones, and their friends, appropriately, put up hilarious statuses that usually revolve around buttsex. Um, instead of commenting on the status that it wasn't you that wrote it, why not just delete it? Fools...

-Jon

Pretty is a word that's being thrown around far too often these days

Except for that one week when my family went to Hampton Beach and I went around telling my brothers to call me Little Miss Susie, "the sister they always wanted," I've spent most of my life as a dude. Not a great one, but a dude nonetheless. So it always boggles my mind when I see girls do some stuff that makes no sense. For example, when girls break up with douchebags and then proceed to say things like, "That guy was such a douchebag. I can't believe I dated him." Maybe girls do stupid things, you know, because they're stupid. Or maybe it's because they have brains only 1/3 the size of a man brain. In any case, this blog isn't about the questionable decision-making or diminutive brains size of the female human, it's about a weird phenomenon that must be stopped.

Not every girl on this planet is good looking. But if you go on facebook, you could look at the profile of any girl and find someone commenting on one of their pictures, "OMG u r soooooo preeetttttyyyyyyyy." Terrible spelling and excessive letters aside, do these people really think these mack truck looking fuggos are good looking? (Did Jon already criticize excessive lettering? I think he did . . . probably . . . maybe. It's a legitimate 43% chance that he might have said something.) I supposed beauty is all in the eye of the beholder, but some of these chicks are just flat out busted. There's just not any way to get around that fact. A friend of mine proposed a theory that girls comment on other girls pictures so that when they post a picture of themselves, all of their friends will return the favor and say how awesome they looked. It's just absolutely retarded. I may not know a lot about girls, but I can say with 100% certainty that nothing makes a girl happier than talking shit about other girls. They can't get enough. So I cannot fathom why girls seem like they're so dependent on other people commenting on their shit. If you need people commenting on your pictures just so you can feel good about yourself, well then holy shit you might want to get a hard hat because life is going to be rough.

Also, the Bruins just won the Stanley Cup and I see a bunch of facebook status updates that say something retarded like, "Woohoo the cups finally coming home." That might be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. And then massholes wonder why the entire country hopes Boston teams never win shit. It's because of stupid shit like that. Rant over.

-Slick

The Beer-hemoth VII

I need to start putting subtitles on these things. This one would be something like "Invasion of the IPAs" if I did, because I had a whole bunch of them. Pale ales too. There was a distinct shortage of stouts at this one.

Kate and I went to the Green River Brew Festival, held at Ryan & Casey Liquors. And we were two of the first... hundred people or something, so we each got a fancy glass when we left. Getting stuff is great! I actually took some notes this time since it wasn't raining. Hopefully this will be a more enjoyable beer-reading experience for you than the last one.

You might notice that I haven't had anything new at Mmmm, beers! lately. I've been busy wrapping up a few 6-packs that I tried before, and I did try 2 new beers, but they were only in bottles and I feel like the writeups would be sub-par. Don't worry, I will be back in beer-tasting mode very soon.

Tent 1

This tent had the most beers to try in it, and this is where we started. I kicked things off with the Mojo IPA from the Boulder Beer Company. But I ordered it with a soft "j" to mess with the guy serving it. This beer had a good aroma, but the taste was only ok. I might get it again, if it's not too expensive.

Next up was Trout Hop Black IPA from Grand Teton Brewing Company. This beer had a strange aroma, and it wasn't that great. I would probably not get this again.

Sticking with this theme, I had Rogue's Brutal IPA for my next beer. This one had a good aroma, but it was very faint. The flavor was very good though, so I would probably drink this again.

Moving on, I finally switched things up, but only slightly. My next brew was Peak Organic's Pale Ale. This beer didn't have much of an aroma, and the flavor was very mellow after those IPAs. I think it would be good to drink with a meal, as it wouldn't overpower any of the food's flavors. I might drink this again.

The next beer was the Pub Style from Gritty McDuff. Gritty McDuff sounds like it should be a character on The Simpsons. This beer was pretty much the same as the last one, so you can just reread that little paragraph.

The last beer of the first tent was Southern Tier's 2XIPA. Southern Tier has set a pretty high bar with their other beers, and this one did not disappoint. It had a pretty good aroma, but the flavor was great! I would definitely buy this beer.

Part of the price of admission includes a ticket for $2 off any food item. Kate and I both used ours to get a $2 slice of pizza from Antonio's. Net cost for lunch? $0!!

Tent 2

The second tent wasn't nearly as packed with beers as the first, and the first brewer in there was Harpoon, which only had beers that I've already had. So that cuts the beer choices down even further.

I kicked off tent #2 with Sierra Nevada's Pale Ale. I remember having this beer a long time ago and not liking it, but that was before my enlightenment about the deliciousness of hops. This beer had a pretty weak aroma, but it had a good flavor. I would probably get this beer again, but it's not quite as good as their Tornado.

The next beer was Goose Island IPA. This IPA had a good aroma and a good flavor, so I would definitely get some more of it. At this point, I'm 8 for 8 in pale ales or India pale ales. It's been a pretty hoppy day.

I finally broke out of my pale ale streak by drinking a Longboard Lager from Kona Brewing Company. I might have tried this at some point, but I don't remember. This beer's aroma and flavor were both ok, but it was very easy drinking so I might give it another try some time.

I wrapped up the second tent with the Haver Ale from Haverhill Brewery. This was their cream ale, and the flavor matched up with that description very well. The aroma was ok, so I might get this again when I want to switch things up some day.

Tent 3

I was very disappointed with tent 3. Well not really, but I was a little sad that Victory was supposed to be in this tent but did not come to the brewfest. I was also sad that the first beer I saw in the tent was Narragansett. It brought back painful memories of failing at Trivia Night, and it also made my taste buds sad. Luckily there was some good stuff happening to offset this.

After the initial shock of terrible beer, the next table had Long Trail and Otter Creek. Since Long Trail doesn't make anything that I haven't already had, I went with OC's Black IPA. This beer had a great aroma and a great flavor, so I am definitely going to grab some more at some point. For some reason, I got the impression that this beer has to be very cold to be delicious.

Next up was the beer from Stone Brewing Company. Having possible the only stout available, I felt compelled to drink their Imperial Russian Stout. It had a good stout aroma, and it tasted delicious. I will definitely grab a 22-oz of this if the price isn't as ridiculous as some of Stone's bottles are. If the price is super high, I will just complain a little and be forced to grab something else.

I also decided to try their Ruination IPA because it was recommended to me by someone. Possibly by the internet. And I figure that since we're eventually going to be taken over by robots, I might as well get used to taking their orders. This beer had a great aroma, and it was very good. I'll be drinking this one again.

Tent 4

This felt like the smallest tent, and the table right in the middle didn't help matters. Kate and I skipped right over Brooklyn and Blue Moon and headed for High and Mighty. I decided to try the Purity of Essence. The aroma was ok, but the taste was pretty good and might make this a beer to look out for in the future.

Next was Lagunitas IPA. This beer probably had the best aroma of all the beers I tried today. However, the first taste impression wasn't great. After I let it mellow out for a couple minutes, it turned into a completely different beer, and it was very good. I think I will try this again at some point to see what I think of a whole bottle.

The tent concluded with a beer from Cisco Brewers called Whale's Tale Pale Ale, and yes, I only got it because of the rhyming name. The aroma here was ok, and the flavor was good. This was another super-smooth drinking beer, so I might get it again.

We went back to the first tent because there was something Kate wanted to try, so I had one last beer. It was the Theobroma from Dogfish Head. Ok, this beer just smelt terrible. I bravely ignored my nose and gave it a try, and I was pleasantly surprised. It was pretty good, with a strong blast of chocolate in there. Overall, it was very weird. I might try this again, but I don't think I'd pay for it.

So, I got to try 17 new beers, none of which were bad. I also got a free slice of pizza and a pilsner glass. And the place was only about a mile from Kate's house. I would say that this was a successful day.

-Jon