With my move to the northern portion of the state, I find myself driving a bit more than I did while living in the more Portuguese section of western Massachusetts. Not only does this give me many more opportunities to hate other people, I am almost positive that it's going to be taking several years off my lifespan. On the plus side, it gives you the opportunity to read some high quality ranting. The following is based on a completely (non)scientific study.
Situation: A police car parked in a construction zone on the highway, lights flashing
What people should be thinking: I should be driving carefully, as the road conditions may not be up to handling the normal speed limit with this construction.
Actual thought process: Holy fucking shit, a cop!!!! I'm already going 20 mph below the speed limit, but I'd better slow down to 5 mph just to be safe!!
Situation: On a two-lane highway, a sign warns that one lane is closing a mile ahead
What people should be thinking: I probably should move over to the open lane within the next mile.
Actual thought process: Wait, what did that say? Eh, probably not important. Oh shit, my lane is ending! Guess I'll just cut this guy off and give him a thank you wave as he pulls into the guard rail.
Situation: A police officer has a car pulled over
What people should be thinking: I should move over, or if I can't, I should slow down
Actual thought process: Holy fucking shit, a cop!!! I need to drive as slow as possible to make sure he doesn't think I'm speeding just in case he decides to let that person off the hook, jump into his cruiser, and come pull me over instead. Plus then I can try to see if he pulled over a black guy.
Situation: A yield sign
What people should be thinking: If anyone is coming, I need to let them go first. Otherwise, it's my turn.
Actual thought process: Holy fucking shit, another car!!! I'd better floor it and get in front of it just so that I can get to my destination 2 seconds sooner. Safety be damned!!
Situation: A green traffic light changes to yellow
What people should be thinking: If it's safe to do so, I should stop. Otherwise, I should proceed cautiously through the intersection.
Actual thought process, option 1: Holy fucking shit, a yellow light!!! I'd better mash this gas pedal and blow through this intersection. I'm too important to be doing things like waiting at lights.
Actual thought process, option 2: Holy fucking shit, a yellow light!!! I'm going to stomp on my brakes and miss the stop line by a full 15 feet, blocking the crosswalk.
In case you're wondering, I witnessed all 5 of these situations today in a single trip to the dentist and back. Living up here is going to kill me.
-Jon
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