A "Live" Blog of the Grammys

Kate worked last night and had me DVR the Grammys for her, so we're watching them right now. Ever since Two Against Nature won Album of the Year when it was, at best, the 4th best nominee, I don't care about the stupid Grammys, so instead, I'll be making fun of them.

• Has anyone made some Kevin Costner/The Bodyguard jokes about Whitney Houston's death yet? If not, how come?
• Bruce Springsteen should have sung a different song. Like a good one.
• Whenever it was that Lady Gaga hosted that show and pretended she was a guy... remember that? Um, her "character" really looked a lot like Bruno Mars. I am not sure who that is more insulting to.
• Speaking of Bruno Mars, apparently he and Alicia Keys had the same person do their hair for this show. Again, I am not sure who that is more insulting to.
• Alright Lady Gaga, we get it. You're super creative and don't fit into anyone's expectations. But maybe you should respect the Grammys (since you're nominated for one) and not look like a complete fuckup. You know, just this once. I promise that if I ever somehow get a major award nomination, I'll suit up.
• It looks like Chris Brown is going to make it through this whole performance without having a temper tantrum. Good for him!
• Kelly Clarkson is a country artist now? Sure, why not.
• I appreciate male country artists making it obvious that they are country artists by always wearing a cowboy hat. So they're either country artists, or maybe actual cowboys.
• This show has a lot of commercials. They probably could have trimmed the whole broadcast down to 2 hours without all this garbage. This is commercial ridiculousness on par with the Pirates of the Caribbean movies when they're shown on TV.
• Rihanna's music makes my ears feel like they've been raped. At least I think this is Rihanna. It may just be someone having a seizure. She also does not appear to be singing at all, and not one seems to care. If she doesn't have the microphone near her mouth and words are still happening, that's usually a pretty dead giveaway.
• Oh, some Giants players... Moving on.
• Has anyone ever been more involved in the world of music without actually contributing anything to it than Ryan Seacrest?
• While I was busy being snarky about Ryan Seacrest, I missed the explanation of why these people are singing Beach Boys songs. And now the real Beach Boys are singing? Did you know that one time I saw The Beach Boys in concert (but not with Brian Wilson because he hadn't rejoined the other guys yet)? You do now.
• I wonder how hard it is to learn the harmonica. Not enough people use the harmonica in their music.
• Kate does not approve of the amount of standing ovations given at award shows.
• I don't know who these people are, but this music sounds like country music and the guy isn't wearing a cowboy hat. I guess I was wrong about my earlier assumption. Goddam country artists, trying to confuse me.
• Taylor Swift's backing band appears to have to time-traveled from either Little House on the Prairie or The Grapes of Wrath. Those probably aren't even close to the same era, but all the clothing from way back in the past looks pretty much the same to me because I just don't care.
• This show obviously needs more NPH and less LL Cool J.
• There are a lot of British people on this program.
• I don't think that is Katy Perry's natural hair color. Just a guess.
• I am apparently not paying close enough attention. They just said Adele has won 4 awards tonight, but I have only seen her onstage twice. What kind of ridiculous shenanigans are these?!? They must be giving out awards during the commercials. Probably unimportant ones, like "Best Performance by a British Person Who Is Currently Chewing a Huge Wad of Gum." Adele won that one for sure.
• Someone needs to make a sweet mashup of "Rhinestone Cowboy" and "Like a Virgin." There's something there, I'm sure of it.
• I wonder if Glen Campbell has any idea who these goons onstage with him are. He's like infinity years older than they are.
• Bon Iver should have prepared a speech ahead of time so he could say "Uh" a bit less frequently. If this had been a drinking game, his speech would have resulted in somewhere around 12 shots. It was apparently so awkward that they cut him off and went to commercial.
• Nicki Minaj is trying to outweird Lady Gaga. This is going to have dire ramifications for all of us. This is what the Mayans were warning us about. Also, this song is terrible. This is what music is now?
• Is there a place backstage for the artists to store their awards when they go back to their seats, or do they keep them under the chairs?
• It looks like this thing is finally over. I bet Lady Gaga is sad that she wore that ridiculous outfit and didn't get to show everyone while onstage. Poor Gaga.

-Jon