Saturday, February 4, 2012

You're a Real Asshole, Autocorrect Inventor

Seriously, what is your deal? I'm trying to be a good citizen, texting as fast as possible before the light turns green, and your stupid bullshit makes me send loads of nonsensical texts. Yeah, I probably should double check before hitting Send, but the guy in the Explorer behind me has been tailgating me for the last 3 miles and I'm thinking that pissing him off is probably the wrong move. Dammit, Autocorrect, you're going to get my ass kicked!

More baffling than some of the corrections are some of the things it leaves alone. In a given day/week/month/year, how often does someone really use the word "tine"? Obviously that's supposed to say "time" you cockgobbler!! Do you think I have some sort of weird fork fetish? Is tine suddenly a common word in everyday speech? Maybe if you live in Atlantis and are talking about tridents a lot, but last I checked that isn't the case for anyone I know. So the phone will leave gibberish like "What tine are you going?" but feels the compulsion to make me look foolish by autocorrecting to "Hey, where the he'll are you?" Nice one, you son of a bitch.

I get the same problem with "hone" versus "home," which seems to fall into the same category. No normal person uses the word "hone" in a text message. And nobody, normal or not, says something like "Ok, I'll be hone in like half an hour." This expensive thing should assume that I'm going to be using common words as opposed to writing fancy things about honing stuff.

In other news, when the he'll is Slick going to be posting something? He's probably sitting at hone right now, all the tine in the world, and not writing. How selfish.

-Jon

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