One thing they don't warn you about before you move in with a girl/lady/woman is that they have simply awful taste in television. Or that when you point this out to them, they just get upset. Or if you make hilarious comments during their awful shows, they'll just get mad at you. As such, you may be subjected to things such as 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, So You Think You're a Dancer, and other such drivel.
Fortunately, there is alcohol, which makes everything better. Except for pregnancy and your ability to operate heavy machinery. Have you ever noticed that the packaging never mentions alcohol's impact on your fine motor skills? It seems like, in addition to affecting heavy machinery operation, it would also negatively affect things like open-heart surgery or playing Operation. Maybe that should go on the bottle as well.
At any rate, on with the drinking.
Teen Mom Drinking Game
What you'll need:
- beer if you're smart, wine if you're crazy, hard liquor if you've got a thing for someone in the emergency room or enjoy having your stomach pumped
- 2 shot glasses per person
- a lot of water
- a girlfriend/wife who makes you watch Teen Mom, or a lack of self-respect to watch it on your own
The Rules*
Take a (small) sip of beer whenever...
- a teen mom says "like" without it expressing appreciation for something or it being part of a simile
- a teen mom says "you know?"
- a teen mom starts a sentence with "Honestly"
- The 3 above can be expanded to all characters if you are feeling too sober, but don't try to be a hero
- a word is censored (one sip per beep)
- you stop to think about where the money for these kids' clothes and food is coming from
Take a shot of beer whenever...
- anyone starts a sentence with "I just feel like..."
- there is any variation of a teen mom complaining about growing up so fast
- a baby daddy complains about not being able to do things with his friends
- anyone uses the word "literally" when they mean "figuratively"
- a teen mom or baby daddy says the word "protection"
Take both shots of beer whenever...
- a teen mom is wearing sweatpants and being sad on a couch, generally with a cell phone in hand
- any physical violence between a teen mom and her baby daddy (works best with Amber or Janelle... and yes, I hate myself for knowing that)
- there are cops on screen
Finish your beer at the end of the episode if the ending is playing sad music and people have sad/vacant expressions on their faces. Actually, finish your beer no matter what happens. What else are you going to do, dump it down the drain? That's bullshit.
Drink at least a small glass of water (4-6 oz) during every commercial break. Trust me on this one.
This game can also be expanded to 16 and Pregnant with the bonus rule of pounding a beer at the end of the episode if the baby daddy is no longer in the picture. Take that, liver!
-Jon
*Editor's note - This game should only be played by people of the legal drinking age. Mmmm, opinions claims no responsibility for injuries sustained before, during, or after playing this game. Call a taxi or use a designated driver.
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