There are lots of good rappers. Well, probably less now than there were back when I used to listen to more rap, but at least some of them probably don't suck. Mostly because I bet some of the guys I listened to before still rap. But sometimes, whether it's because they need to squeeze words into a particular rhyme scheme or just because they've got nothing else that works, they say things that are just ridiculous. And yeah, most of these are going to be old since all old music is better than all new music. It's just a rule of nature.
"I woke up out that coma 2001 / Bout the same time Dre dropped 2001" - The Game
First off, using the same word or phrase isn't really rhyming. But more importantly, the unfortunately titled album 2001 was actually released in November of 1999, whereas The Game (who apparently only goes by Game now) was in a coma in October of 2001. I would think that someone who claims to have so much respect for West Coast rap would be more aware of that fact.
"I'm sick, you couldn't measure my dick with six rulers." - Big Punisher
I'm not sure if Big Pun (may he rest in peace) if suggesting that he possesses a 6-foot wang, but that's just ridiculous. The logistics alone would be unmanageable. He'd need a completely custom wardrobe, although he might need that anyways being of the... overweight persuasion, not to mention that anytime he got "excited" he'd be risking an assault charge.
Hey, I'm all for ridiculous bravado and outrageous exaggerations, but this seems really uncomfortable.
"Fifty fear no man, warrior, swing swords like Conan." - 50 Cent
"So the pen is mightier than the sword, my Lord" - Jay-Z
At first glance, neither of these lyrics seems absurd. However, you might notice that have one word in common. And the ridiculousness of both of them stem from that common word, "sword," which both rappers pronounce with heavy emphasis on the "W." Maybe in 50's case, he's trying to preserve the alliterative effect of the phrase "swing swords," but I can't figure out the reasoning behind Jay-Z's awful pronunciation. Maybe I just don't understand rap music's deeper meanings, like intentionally mispronouncing common words.
"In this white man's world, I'm simular to a squirrel" - 50 Cent
Nope, that's not a typo. He really says "simular."
Another 50 Cent quote, and from the same song as the previous one. He's not the only rapper to make this ear-grating vowel transposition, but he's the one that stuck out most prominently in my mind. There's no "U" in similar, and there never was. It's like the person is trying to mix "similar" and "simulate" into one word.
Changing a vowel can have drastic consequences as well. The phrase, "Wow, I took like 8 shots in a row at the bar last night!" has a whole new meaning if you switch the "O" in shots to an "I"...
"What's next? What's next? What's N-X-E-T?" - Warren G
Seriously? I mean... what is this supposed... how can you just... I mean it's not even... sigh.
Did nobody listen to these tracks before the CD came out? Or, potentially worse, did people listen to them and not notice this glaring error? I guess lyrics don't come with spellcheck.
This is just a tip of the iceberg, as I didn't even feature anything from Wu-Tang, who spit some of the most absurd claims ever to be captured on record. Or from Lil Wayne, who I avoided just on principle, but I'm sure could provide enough fodder for his own featured appearance. Which he won't get. Because I hate his music.
-Jon
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