I am sure that my misanthropic tendencies are widely known, so maybe this can become a regular feature. Or not. I am more of a fan of coming up with new ideas than I am of continuing them due to what I can only assume is a short attention span. What was I talking about?
Oh right. People suck. Especially this next guy/girl.
For some reason, I was reading about the weather on WWLP, and for some other reason I must have had some sort of aneurysm and decided to read the comments. Side note - why does everything have a "Comments" section? Obviously this site needs them because I like making snarky comments and would appreciate them from our reader, but I am not sure a weather story on WWLP.com needs them. Side note concluded. There was one particular comment there that not only made me sad because it was so poorly written, but also because I think the person writing it might be one of the dumbest people I've ever encountered.
At any rate, I think it's time to verbally lacerate this person. Or whatever the written equivalent of verbal is. The original text is in the different font. And has less swearing.
First off, that first comma should be a period. A semi-colon might be ok, except that the second sentence isn't really related to the first. Way to write, jerkoff. Secondly, who in their right mind washes their car that often? I don't even wash myself that frequently.
My next door neighbors car is all rusted out because of all the salt on the road.
Try "neighbor's." Come on! Every keyboard has apostrophes. Give them a try.
I went down to store the other day and had to rewash it because of another car hit a big puddle and it was sand and salty.
This sentence gives me a headache. I assume that "store" is a car wash. And if you want your car to be clean for the entire winter, you have two choices. Keep it in the garage until spring, or cover it in some sort of car coat. This is New England; we get snow.
Hope it stays down in temp for a few more months like 10 or 12 degrees.
If the temperature stays in the teens until May, I will absolutely lose my mind. You'll see me wandering the streets wearing 3 coats, swearing at snowbanks and throwing snowballs at passersby. Or I'll be hibernating in my room with flannel sheets.
I keep my house at 84 degrees and my garage stays at 76 to keep my car warm.
Holy shit! That's too hot even for Kathryn, and she wraps up in blankets during the summer! And the garage is 76°!! This guy is obviously having an affair with his car. At this point, I am starting to think this is some asshole making shit up.
Oil has only costed me about $9,700.00 so far this winter so its not too bad here. I do heat my indoor swimming pool to so we can swim everyday. Maybe I should sign up for fuel assitance this year.
Let's ignore the fact that "costed" isn't even supposed to be a word. Do you see that dollar amount? What the fuck?!? That's more than I've spent on heating in the 5 years since I've moved out. Obviously this guy heats his pool, since that's completely relevant. And I swear to God, if they give out fuel "assitance" (which is probably like assistance, except for assholes) to jackoffs who keep their house at the same temperature as the Brazilian rainforest, I'm starting a riot. Let me know beforehand, and I'll loot you something nice.
I need to keep my money in the bank to make interest and not spending it all on oil and electric. Electric cost here is around 1,100.00 a month, guess thats not that bad.
Step 1 for saving money: turn the fucking heat down. And holy shit again, $1100 a month on electric? Does this guy wake up every morning and turn on every light and appliance in his house? That's almost a full year's electricity bill where I come from. Again, this is a brain-hemorrhage-inducing pair of sentences with a nonsense first sentence, another comma splice and another missing apostrophe.
Wilbraham is a tough place to live in because of the high taxes and things.
Yes, unlike other places in Massachusetts which are tax-free. Maybe you could save some of your oil and electricity money and use it to move to an easier place to live. Like downtown Springfield.
Got to go now as I have to fly to California tonight with my better half to have a nice supper and homemade chocolate pudding. Let it snow more and no rain. :)
What the fuck is going on in this sentence? He's flying to California for dinner? Man, I think it's a big deal when I go all the way to Northampton, and this guy's flying across the damn country. With his better half no less. Which, if you've forgotten, is his car that has probably been washed twice today. I like that he ends things with a smiley face, because I'm picturing this guy as a smiling jackass, batting at the keyboard with his hands and going, "Derrrrrrr!!?!?" any time letters appear on the screen.
Well, that was fun. If you really want to spice things up, try reading just his part all at once. But make sure you've taken some aspirin or something first, because there's a good chance that it will cause a blood clot or heart attack. Don't say I didn't warn you.
-Jon
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