The Latest Encounter with The Company That Shall Not Be Named

Ah yes, loyal mmmmopinions readers will remember Jon's famous rant against The Company and the followup comments he received from their service department. Hilarious? Absolutely. Creepy? YOU BET! But now that Jon's left for greener pastures and Matt has moved to New York to actually do something with his life (overachiever) it leaves me to deal with The Company. And let me tell you, The Company is dumber than a bag of pugs.

Let me set the scene for you: Tuesday, September 13th. 3:00 P.M. A roguishly handsome young man, about 23, sits down at his computer to order the NFL Redzone package for greater NFL viewing pleasure. Wow, roguishly handsome and smart to boot, quite a catch for the young ladies in the greater 413 area. After navigating The Company's convoluted website filled with trials that would rival those of Hercules, he somehow manages to complete his order with limited cursing and minor cuts and bruises. SETUP AN INSTALLATION APPOINTMENT is all that sets him apart from that sweet, sweet Redzone awesomeness. "I'm sure if I try to call these shitheads I'll end up murdering someone, so I'll just chat online with one of their operators. I mean, it is The Company, they should probably have that shit figured out right?" the rogue says to himself. HUGE MISTAKE. So the rogue begins chatting with an online operator, Samantha C. Everything is going swimmingly until Samantha drops a bombshell. "Sweetest rogue, it appears you aren't an authorized user on this account, I'm sorry I'm not going to be able to complete your order."

STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS! You took my goddamn money for the last two months for the bill, why wouldn't you add a service in which I would then have to pay you more money? "Oh, it's for security purposes." FUCK YOU, Samantha C. Dumb bitch. What? I paid $260 in order to set up the account holder for $10/month for 6 months? MUAHAHAHAHAHA. DIABOLICAL! Are you fucking kidding me? There didn't seem to be any security concerns when you greedy fucks took my money, but now I want to pay you more money and all of a sudden I'm someone who can't be trusted? What kind of bullshit two-bit operation are running? Oh yeah, now I remember, a really really shitty one. Stupid ballsuckers.

So then I had Jon do it. Took 5 minutes. Now I have the Redzone channel. Sweet.

However, if I suddenly go missing make sure you point the authorities in the direction of The Company.

-Slick