Bigger and Slicker

Let's just get one thing straight: Big Slick shows up when he wants to. Period. I don't need some slapdick blogger calling me out because I've only written one post this month. It's my super sexy body, I'll blog when I want. But you want more of Slick Willy Styles? I'll see what I can do. You want more of the hard hitting ranting that you can only find in the MMMM franchise? You got it. Is the Slick Dawg the best mother fucking blogger on the planet, you know, when he actually gets around to writing? NO ONE DENIES THIS!!! Then you got Jon giving out auditions to join MMMMopinions. I don't remember that coming up at the weekly staff meeting. I think he's trying to replace me. Well, fuuuuuuuucck that. You don't put the kibosh on Slick like that. So tell your friends. Tell your neighbors. Tell your children . . . well, no on second thought don't tell the children. But get the word out: Slick is back, and he's bigger and slicker.

I hate Halloween. Fucking hate it. It's become some sort of inverse relationship that the older I am, the less I like Halloween. And now, at the ripe old age of 22, I hate it. What? I'm supposed to give you candy because you put on a costume and I live in a residential neighborhood? Good thing Jon lives here because there was about a 3.6% chance that I was going to buy candy. And if I did I was going to eat all the good stuff and give away the shit. "Happy Halloween! You can have my milk duds. THEY'RE CHOCOLATE COVERED POISON, BITCH! MUAAAAHHAHAHAHAH!!!" Clearly I don't get into the holiday spirit and that's because I can't pull off the "slutty ______" that every girl decides is their costume. I saw a slutty train conductor. Well fuck, that's what I wanted to be but no one wants to see me with a conductor hat on and my tits hanging out. Talk about a double standard. Oh, you can be a slutty librarian, or a slutty secretary, or a slutty cat but I show up as a slutty firefighter and all of a sudden I'm the weirdo. Well fuck that, and fuck this stupid holiday.

-Slick