Fantasy Football Midseason Update

Fantasy football stories, much like poker stories, are only exciting to the person telling them. However, my stories are awesome by default, so I am hoping that will cancel out the inherent boredom present in any fantasy football discussion.

What that means is that you won't be hearing any stories about how I would have won except that [random running back] didn't get at least 60 rushing yards at home against an in-conference opponent when the gametime temperature was at least 55 degrees with no precipitation for this first time in his career, or how I was down by only a couple points and down to my last receiver in the fourth quarter and he caught a garbage-time touchdown in the last minute to give me the win. Those stories suck, and no one wants to hear that. Instead, you can listen to me being ridiculous.

Hands down, the best thing about fantasy football is that it gives me more random people to yell at on the TV. Normally, I have to reserve my senseless nonsense for the Red Sox, the bitchy people on My First Place or House Hunters who complain about everything and want to buy a $500,000 house with a $275,000 budget, and any commercial which makes no sense (i.e., all of them). Now I can not only root against Eli Manning, I can get actively annoyed when he throws the ball because those are valuable points that could have gone to Brandon Jacobs. Or Brandon Jackson. Whichever one is the guy on the Giants that I ruefully picked up last week. Dammit, Eli, you're ruining everything!

Another fun thing is trash talking. After 5 weeks, I was tied for last place, and even that didn't stop me from running my mouth. I was like a Jets fan. Sure, they've only won 1 Super Bowl (and that was like the 3rd one) and sure, they have a losing record for the career of the franchise, but that's not going to stop their fans from mouthing off like stupid jackasses every year. I should probably go bet on the Jets to win the Super Bowl this year, since writing that last sentence pretty much guarantees that they're going to win it. Stupid Jets.

At this point, Final Fantasy Football is 3-4 and on a 2-game winning streak. And no matter what, there are 7 more weeks of yelling at Drew Brees to stop throwing the football to the other team. With any luck, a playoff bid is within reach, which will add two extra weeks and maybe even end up with my team winning it all, setting off a chain reaction of trash talking that will extend all the way until next season. Stay tuned.

-Jon