The Book of Eli is . . .

Incredibly disappointing. I base my opinion of a movie on three questions. First, would I see this movie again? Second, would I suggest that someone see this movie in theaters? Finally and oftentimes most importantly, does this movie make sense which is why I'm going to scissor-kick the next person that tells me Transformers 2 was a great movie. Admittedly I'm a pretty cynical person, but that movie makes absolutely no sense. The only way that stupid fallen dickhead could have turned on the sun-sucking machine or whatever the fuck he was doing was if he had the cross of leadership. However, the only way a person can get the cross of leadership is by earning it and talking to transformer ghosts in Egypt. Ummmm . . . ok. Now, the only way the fallen guy could have gotten the cross of leadership (which is a stupid name by the way) was if someone else had gotten it, and then lost it. All these longshots had to come through. so yeah Michael Bay your movie looked really cool but it was fucking stupid. If Shia Lebouf had just stayed at home and banged Megan Fox everyone would have been fine. Instead, he runs across a live battlefield for like 25 minutes and not once does one of the 800 Decepticons just shoot a rocket at him or squish him. That's bullcrap. But I digress.


In case you don't know what The Book of Eli is about I'll give you a quick summary. In a post-apocalyptic future Denzel Washington has a book. Gary Oldman wants it so that he can use it to control people. Hmmm, a book that has been used to control the way people think . . . nope I can't think of what it is. Now my three question: Would I see this movie again? Maybe but I definitely would not pay to see it. Second, does this movie receive a theater recommendation? No, do not waste 11 dollars on this movie. If you have Netflix, yeah it may be worth watching eventually because there were some pretty entertaining parts but the last half hour drags and kind of ruins everything that came before it. There was a slight twist at the end that I didn't foresee, but the end is still predictable. Does this movie make sense? Yeah there's nothing in there that made me say, "Well that's just stupid." I know, I just have a way with words. The plot's not great but at the very least, it makes sense even if its not original. I'm pretty sure they stole the ending from Ray Bradbury but this blog frowns upon researching things. Overall, the movie's not bad. I think Denzel Washington gave a really solid performance, plus he's just so dreamy, and all of the acting was well done. My problem is that from the very beginning you pretty much knew exactly how the movie was going to play out and while this was a similar flaw in Avatar, The Book of Eli didn't have the stunning visual effects that made Avatar so enjoyable. I think The Book of Eli was a decent movie, but I think that it could have been much, much better.


For those of you that were concerned about what survives an apocalypse, here's a small list:
1. Motorcycle Gangs, which was a relief after their brutal treatment from South Park.
2. Crazy Old People
3. Swearing and sarcasm, you're fuckin right they do
4. Product Placements featuring quality products from Busch, Motorola and GMC. Don't tell me the future doesn't look bright.
5. Bartering and trading. Money? Apparently not.


-Slick