More Commercials I Hate

Back by popular demand I present another installment of commercials that make no sense.

Subway Commercials:
Here's the thing subway, you make the food right in front of me so there's pretty much no way you can screw that up. Your quality is usually pretty good, unless you go to that one Subway down the street from my friend's apartment. That one just sucks. They're also not that smart there. One time they gave me change for a $20 when I gave him a $10, which means that he somehow managed to take the ten from me, add three dollars to it, and then give it back to me. And you wonder why we're in an economic crisis. Also, when I ask for lettuce on my sandwich, it doesn't mean that I want a lettuce sandwich. You don't need to use an entire head of iceberg. But like I said, usually Subway is pretty good and as I mentioned in my previous rant about commercials, the only thing you have to do in a commercial is not make me mad. It's not that hard, just don't do anything stupid. And then Michael Phelps starts swimming through concrete . . .

Ugggghhhhhhhhh . . . GODDAMMIT. I have a couple questions. First, why is Michael Phelps swimming through concrete? What could that possibly have to do with Subway sandwiches? Does eating Subway give you super strength? I don't know and here's the somewhat mindboggling aspect of the commercial, that's not even the dumbest part. So Michael Phelps is continuing to ravage the streets of this poor community like Homer on the monorail, when he swims past a Subway and oh boy, it's a Jared commercial too. Jared yells "See you there." See you where? Oh, apparently Phelpsy is swimming toward Canada. Now, if you were like me and had no idea where Vancouver is, then this commercial makes absolutely no sense. But, if you were also like me and looked up where Vancouver is then, oh wait, this commercial still makes no sense. Why is Michael Phelps swimming toward the Winter Olympics? He's a swimmer, which means that nobody gives a shit about him except every four years when he competes at the SUMMER Olympics. But to recap, he's swimming toward the WINTER Olympics. Why Michael Phelps is swimming toward the Winter Olympics I do not know. What I also do not know is what Subway has to do with the Winter Olympics. I don't think it ever reveals some sort of affiliation with the Olympics such as "More Olympic athletes shove their cakeholes with Subway than any other sandwich" and unless you're a fucking expert on Canadian geography you're not going to know where Vancouver is. I don't know . . . making a commercial I don't hate cannot be this hard. Like the Walmart one where the clown jumps on the unicorn and screams. I'm probably not going to shop at Walmart, but I'm not less likely to shop at Walmart because of that commercial so job well done.

Today's fun fact: In case you were wondering NBC paid $800 million in order to secure exclusive rights to cover the Winter Olympics. That just seems like way too much . . . and oh, what's that? They're going to lose $200 million? But when you're as successful as NBC has been you can afford to throw around money like that . . .

-Slick