Lost is . . .

wait a second, didn't I already do a post about Lost? Yeah, well, much like the series finale it sucked, so here I am to hopefully do a better job. Unlike most of my spoiler alerts where I reveal no spoiling information, if you haven't seen the series finale yet and still plan on doing so don't continue reading because I will be swearing relentlessly about what happened.

First off, let me point out that I realize that Lost is ultimately a show about the characters. That being said, it's also about a god damn time traveling magic fuck island and you can't just completely ignore that. Season 6: you suck. It's probably because I watched them so close together that I can't really appreciate the first 5 non-sucky seasons after the travesty that was season 6. Holy shit, do I hate season 6. And here's why. From season 2 onward we were lead to believe that the reason they were on the island was because Desmond wasn't in the hatch to push the button which caused an electromagnetic event that crashed their plane. Difficult to believe, but I'm not here to judge. Oh wait, then season 6 comes along and all of a sudden it's because Jacob brought them to the island in order to play some sort of game against Will Smith, aka the Man in Black. But if Jacob really brought them to the island (which I maintain is horse shit by the way) then why wasn't that a bigger fucking deal? The whole thing was supposed to be some sort of test of humanity, whether or not they were able to be good or something stupid like that. Well what the fuck happened? And IGN reviewer guy, don't tell me it's supposed to be a "Man of Faith" moment where I trust the creators. Fuck that. You can't just throw some seemingly important shit in there and then act like it never happened. Fuck Jacob. Fuck Lost.

Take Walt for example. In season 1 he gets taken off the raft because he's "special". Well, WHAT THE FUCK MADE HIM SO GODDAMN SPECIAL? Then all of a sudden he's gone and the next time we see him he's telling Locke to get out of the pit after Ben shot him. Then, in season 6, we find out that it was really Will Smith taking the forms of dead people in order to guide certain individuals, like using Christian to show Jack where he could find water in season 1. Does that mean Walt is really dead? I don't know, because they didn't fucking tell me. Now, Walt wasn't that big of a deal, but Charlie on the other hand, holy fucking shit.

You may remember Charlie dying in season 3 because the universe wanted him dead, so umm, yeah that seems kind of a big deal. But despite Desmond's best efforts to keep him alive, he ended up sacrificing himself in order to, as he believed, save Claire and presumably everyone else. Well, what the fuck was that all about? To have a moment in the show where the universe (or the island or Jacob or whatever) wants a character dead, and then to have that moment essentially mean nothing is really fucking irritating. Now, I understand that they couldn't resolve every possible mystery or question surrounding the Island, but the fact that a character was pretty much doomed to die seems like something that may have required a little more explanation.

And then the supposed "Flash Sideways" . . . it makes me want to donkey kick someone. The whole thing was about building some sort of afterlife where they could be together . . . I'm not very religious but I'm pretty sure that's already been done. It's called heaven. And about the flash sideways: Desmond was running around reminding everybody that they were . . . already dead? Well what the fuck is that? The entire premise of the flash sideways was completely unnecessary and feels like a kick square to the baby maker. So let me get this straight: even when they left the island and then had to come back in order to save everyone they left behind, and then they traveled back in time and set off a nuclear bomb with all sorts of crazy shit along the way, was ultimately so that they could die and be happy together? That's fucking absurd.

Fuck Lost.

-Slick