X-Men Origins: Wolverine is . . .

another disappointing superhero movie. I'll pretty much watch any superhero movie, and unfortunately, most of them are terrible. Spiderman 3? One of the worst films I've ever seen. Ghost Rider? Oh yeah, I believe Nicholas Cage as a demon vigilante. X-Men 3? You can't just kill everybody. That's horseshit. But then you get a movie like Iron Man (Iron Man 2 review coming next week . . . you know, after I actually see it) which is pretty good and I think, "Well maybe they figured this superhero thing out." And, as you know, the Batman movies are two of my top 5 of all time . . . OF ALL TIME. So, it was with delusional hope that I went into X-Men Origins.

It's another movie review so you know the new, improved version. However, I must add another tweak. If you go down to my Terminator review and look at the comments, you'll see that devoted reader "James" and I had a discussion regarding the title of my bottom category, the now infamous "Transformers 2" zone. We decided that the category needs to be adjusted to "Transformers 2/Ghost Rider" to be applied to movies that piss me off when I'm watching them (Transformers 2) or movies that are just absolutely terrible (Ghost Rider). Well, there's the system adjustment this time around. I'm sure by next week it will have changed again.

It goes without saying what the plot of this movie attempted to explain. But it's important to emphasize attempted. Question 1: Would I watch this movie again? Well, I'm not sure. No, because it kind of sucked but yes, because maybe it makes sense the second time around. But that's question 3 so I'll get there soon. The problem with this movie is that I never really knew what was going on, never really knew who any of the characters were, and was never really entertained by anything that was going on at the time. So ultimately, no I don't think I would watch it again. Question 2: Would I have been mad had I paid to see this movie in theaters? Yup. I think the real reason people don't go to the movies as much anymore is not because it's too expensive, but really it's that $10 is too much money to spend on something that's probably going to suck. That's why I just wait until Matt gets them from Netflix so that I can bitch about them for free. It's win-win-lose. Win- it's free. Win- I get to complain about something. Lose- I had to watch a shitty movie. Question 3: Does this movie make sense? No. I think it was too dependent on you already knowing who the characters in Wolverine's backstory were because most of the time I didn't know why most of the people were on screen. Why was Charlie from Lost in this movie? What about Keamy from Lost? What about Will.I.Am? I have no fucking clue who any of these people were. Matt and I had to look it up during the movie just so we would know what they were supposed to be. The plot is shitty and for the most part it's nonsensical. I can't remember there being a good scene anywhere in this movie. And that makes me sad. Question 4: Was this movie predictable? I knew Wolverine had to "win" so in a sense yeah, but it wasn't predictable because I don't think there was an actual plot. It was more like a series of scenes that were vaguely connected somehow. Overall, just really disappointing.

Ranking: Level 4: "Eh, Unimpressive." This movie borders on the dreaded "Transformers 2/Ghost Rider" zone, but I couldn't put it in there because while it was bad, it wasn't that level of bad. Do not waste your time watching this movie, you will be disappointed.

-Slick