At this point in my life, I've driven on every Massachusetts mile of 90, 91 and 95, and enough of 93 to have a healthy hatred of it. Let the analysis begin!
90 - AKA the Mass Pike, this road goes from Boston all the way to Seattle. I have to drive on this stupid road all the time, and I always enjoy it thoroughly. . . . The best part is that since it's a toll road, you always have the possibility (probability?) that some idiot is going to end up in the Fast Lane without a transponder. It would seem that the brightly colored signs and multiple warnings about which lanes are Fast Lane only are not enough for some people. Stupid jerks. On the other hand, compared to the other highways in the state, this one's practically a picnic in the park. Rage rating? 3 angry faces out of 10.
91 - Want a lesson in how not to drive? Give the portion of this road running between the Massachusetts/Connecticut state border and Hartford a try. Do you know which lane is the fast lane in CT? Trick question! None of them!! Everyone in this state drives the same speed in every lane regardless of traffic or angry Massholes behind them. I would be willing to bet that whoever coined the term "Road Rage" moved to CT as an adult and lost their mind from having to drive near the capital. The MA part is pretty average, but if you have to go through the extensive reworking that's happening in the exits 9-13 range, good luck to you. On the other hand, the VT part of this road is lovely, mostly because there are almost no cars on it. Hell truly is other people. Rage rating? 4 angry faces out of 10.
93 - Hands down the winner for absolutely horrendous driving. I was stuck on this road that God forgot late one Saturday morning with nearly every other car in Massachusetts. It was stop-and-go for several miles on this forsaken stretch of asphalt, and I was able to witness more idiocy in 30 minutes than I usually get in weeks at a time. "Hmmm, I need to get off at Exit 6, and we just passed Exit 5. Maybe I'll stay in the furthest lane left until I see the 'Exit 1/4 Mile' sign and then jerk quickly across 3 lanes of traffic." That's some classic Massachusetts behavior right there. Or maybe the always-well-thought-out: "Well, my car is about 16 feet long, and those 2 cars are about 17 feet apart. Yeah, I can probably fit." I have heard that there are a lot of accidents on this road, especially in the tunnel. I am actually surprised that there aren't more. I've seen better drivers at the Perkins School for the Blind. Rage rating? 11 angry faces out of 10.
95 - This road has been under construction between exit 25 and roughly exit 32 for as long as I can remember. Possibly as long as I've been driving. If you like orange barrels, lane shifts and grooved pavement, this is the road for you. Also, part of it is called 128 to old-school eastern MA folks, and that just makes everything even more fun when you're trying to get directions. The nice thing about this road is that it's basically the opposite of CT 91; instead of crawling along at a snail's pace, everyone here drives absurdly high speeds, which means that you have your pick of how much you want to break the speed limit. I would say it ranges from 68mph (barely over the limit) to 95mph (wait, I thought that 95 was the speed limit, not the highway number?!?). This road is probably the epitome of MA driving ridiculousness, and why we can't go to other states and function normally. Rage rating? 6 angry faces out of 10.
So there you have it. Driving in this state sucks, and I hate everyone every time I have to get in a car. How much does it cost to have a chauffeur?
-Jon
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