Sunday, August 8, 2010

Bring It Back #2

Here we are again with another installment of Bring It Back. Today I will be taking a second look at Zombieland starring some people. Just like last time, it may be a good idea to read the first opinion on it because I may refer to things in it. Or I might not. I never really know what direction these things are going to take once I start typing.

On that note, there may be spoilers here if you haven't seen the movie. Sorry dude.

As you can probably guess from the title, Zombieland is about a group of people dealing with a zombie apocalypse, except that this movie is mostly a comedy. In this case, it's four people who go by nicknames based on where they were heading. I think it's funnier if I give them nicknames of my own, so the characters are now: New Michael Cera (NMC), Woody, Jules and Little Miss Sunshine. Somehow NMC survives the initial zombie outbreak despite being a gigantic pussy, and wants to go back to his hometown to see if his parents are still alive even though they probably don't love him. Something like that anyways. They get sidetracked and all sorts of zombie-related shenanigans ensue and then there's a happy ending. Well, sort of happy. I mean, there's still like hundreds of thousands of zombies out there, if not millions. Yippee?

Like all zombie movies, this film raises a few questions. Why don't zombies eat each other? Aren't they just as delicious as regular people? And what are they going to do once they finally do eat the last human being? These zombies really need to start planning ahead and developing some skills other than yelling, snarling and lurching around. Maybe learn to farm or something. Those humans aren't a renewable resource, but tomatoes are!

Next question: why don't cars in zombie movies ever run out of gas? These people drove from like Texas to California in a Hummer. They should have been stopping every 15 minutes to fill up. If I were a zombie, I would be hiding at a gas station since delicious humans are bound to show up there eventually. Bet you wish they had developed some more fuel-efficient cars instead of zombie-causing drugs now, eh?

Third question: why are zombies such giant douchebags? They never even try to coexist with people. They just want to eat them. Maybe they could work out a deal where they get to eat people on death row or dying or something like that. That way there will always be another meal coming. But no, it's always eat now, plan later. You zombies are real assholes.

Final question: is regular Michael Cera pissed that NMC clearly ripped off his "acting" style? I put acting in quotes because I'm not convinced that Michael Cera is actually acting. I think he is just being himself, like Norm MacDonald. This new guy is just a bigger version of Michael Cera that actually weighs more than 98 lbs. I think a Hollywood throw-down is imminent.

Ok, so maybe I should talk about the movie a little. I thought NMC was an ok character, but the real star was Woody. That guy's just hilarious. He also really likes Twinkies, which I can relate to from my burger quest. I didn't really get the whole Bill Murray part, and since I am somewhat opinionated I will declare that it sucked. They should have taken that part out and put more zombie killing in. You can never get enough zombie killing. Jules and Little Miss Sunshine were alright, but they made some pretty terrible decisions. If they keep that kind of behavior up, they'll probably be dead before Zombieland 2. I wonder if it was weird for Jules to have worked with both Original Michael Cera and NMC. That would be a good question to have asked her if she was on a talk show.

Overall: it's a good film that I would probably enjoy seeing again as long as someone else was renting it. Or maybe like if someone else had Netflix or owned the DVD. I probably wouldn't want to pay for it myself though.

-Jon

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