a decent movie starring that "Streisand," Matt Damon. It wasn't bad but I wouldn't consider it good. I believe I said something similar about Ninja Assassin but we both know I'm not going to go back and check. You're lucky I'm even writing this post. Well, lucky isn't the right word, but I'm not sure what word describes the feeling, "I need to kill some time, I'll go see what those rascals over at MMMMOpinions are up to. Oh, surprise surprise, Slick hasn't written anything in like 3 weeks. WHAT?!?!? A new poorly written, grammatically flawed semi-entertaining rant/post about something I have no interest in ever watching? SCORE!" I assume your inner monologue goes something like that. I stopped writing because I didn't think anyone actually liked reading my posts. I mean, I think they're awesome and super funny, but not everyone shares my points of view. Probably because I'm a douche. But whatever. If you guys want more posts then I shall do my best.
It's a movie review so just a quick refresher on how it will proceed: I'll give you a numerical score based on how many I would be able to drink consecutively without throwing up. No wait, that's Jon's beer rating system. My system has the 4 question and the 1-5 rating. Question 1: Would I watch this movie again? No, once was definitely enough. It wasn't a terrible movie, but there's just not enough there to make me ever want to come back and watch it again. Question 2: Would I have been mad had I seen this movie in theaters? Yeah, but I get pretty mad about a lot of stuff. This movie was certainly not theater worthy. I feel bad for you if you saw it in theaters. Question 3: Does this movie make sense? Yes, no, I don't know; I don't give a shit. Does it make sense that Jason Bourne figured everything out but no one else could? Why can't movies be better? "Well it's probably because you're so fucking judgmental" . . . Question 4: Was this movie predictable? Yeah. My main problem with this and every other movie is that no one wants to take a risk and make something new so everything that comes out is a bunch of generic predictable bullshit.
Ranking: another level 3: If you have nothing better to do. I can't go lower or higher than 3.
Speaking of movies that took a risk. I saw the Human Centipede: First Sequence this week. Fantastic movie. Really one of the best movies I've ever seen. Just phenomenal acting, great camera work. A top notch movie all around. At this point you should have realized I'm joking. I would spend another paragraph talking about it, but you should just go here and watch Daniel Tosh talk about it (but only if you have 24 minutes. That's not a typo.) It's hysterical.
I believe it's the second video. Jon should have taken care of that link for you. It would probably be easier if I learned how to do it, but that sounds like too much effort.
-Slick
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