"Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" is the most horrific song I've ever heard. The song is about an old lady who gets brutally killed by a wild animal. However, the grandson and the grandfather don't seem to be sad about it one bit. In fact, the grandfather goes and plays cards instead of being sad that his wife of many years just died. At the very least this song makes light of a very serious situation. At the most it's a cover-up. The way Grandpa acts during the song makes me wonder if he had something to do with the murder.
Why do we associate snow with Christmas? I've always wondered why. For the most part, only a small percentage of the world is able to have snow on Christmas. Secondly, why would we associate snow with an event involving a child born to a virgin in the Middle East? If we really want to recreate Christmas, we should be wishing for unbearably hot weather.
What is a child going to do with frankincense, myrrh, gold and music? All of these gifts do nothing for a child. Frankly, I don't even know what frankincense and myrrh are. So much for being wise men. They get gifts totally useless to a baby. Maybe diapers or milk, hell, even a teddy bear would've been much better. As for the drummer boy, where the hell did he come from? Seriously, where are this dude's parents, and why does he walk around with a drum all the time?
Black Friday: I hate this term almost as much as Jon [Editor's note - he means Slick] hates when people add "-gate" to the end of words whenever there is a scandal. Black Tuesday was the most devastating stock market crash in US history. So I find it ironic that a day where corporations make tons of money should be called "Black" anything. And it just sounds dumb too. Black Friday is also a racist term. White people in the 1950s began calling it Black Friday because the deals were such a "steal" and black people were considered thieves.
Alright, well that concludes Criticizing Christmasgate.
BONUS HOLIDAY GAME!!!
Find the story that I completely made up!
-Pat the Intern
I am pretty sure frankincense is when you've burned a lot of incense, and you take all the scraps and recombine them to make a new incense stick, sort of like Frankenstein's monster.
ReplyDeleteif i was a stand up comedian i would steal that
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ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure "BLACK FRIDAY" is because it is supposed to put the stores books into the black. So, that's the made up story... It's also the only story you told in this post.
ReplyDeleteI should win a prize.
Dammit, Kim, stop posting and deleting it! You are defacing the blog!!
ReplyDeleteBut I always post quickly then realize I made a typo and think "OH GOD JON IS GOING TO SEE A TYPO" so I get scared and delete it and repost it...
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