This Week in Lyrical Genius Volume II

Chris' "friend" Lindsay wants me to make fun of Ke$ha's "We Are Who We Are" and who am I to deny such a request? So, let's take a closer look at what is sure to be just an awful, awful combination of words.

Hot and dangerous
If you're one of us then roll with us

Already this song begins with a lie because if you've ever seen Ke$ha you know that she is nowhere near anything you could call hot. She looks like a thirteen year old boy. I was going to make a being attracted to 13 year old boys joke, but I don't want to get arrested. So . . . moving on . . .

'Cause we make the hipsters fall in love

I assume all you have to do to get a hipster to fall in love with you is to stop washing, well pretty much everything.

When we get our hotpants on enough

Oh yeah, and hotpants. Hipsters love their hotpants.

And yes, of course we does

Who wrote this song? The Family Guy manatees?

We're running this town just like a club

Oh, so then it will cost $15 to get in, $5 for a bud light and won't be very fun. Plus it will probably be filled with a bunch of Persian people. Fucking Persian people.

And no, you don't wanna mess with us

You are correct. I don't want to mess with a tranny in hotpants. Not again.

Got Jesus on my neck-uh-lace

I'm not going to claim to know very much about Jesus, but I can guarantee that he did not die in order to save people like Ke$ha.

Got that glitter on my eyes

Nothing screams "classy lady" like body glitter. No wait, that's not right. Oh yeah, nothing screams "dirty hooker infested with STD's" like body glitter. Honest mistake.

Stockings ripped all up the side

"Yeah, I had the stockings on. But how is a guy supposed to know I'm willing to fuck him out back on a dumpster if I don't cut them up the side?"

Looking sick and sexy-fied
So let's go-oo-h-oh, LET'S GO!

Tonight we're going har-har-har-har-har-hard

I'm a pussy and even I don't consider anything she's said to be hard.

Just like the world is our-our-our-our-our-ours
We're tearing it apar-par-par-par-par-part
You know we're superstars.
We are who we are.

This is stupid but I'm saving my hate for verse 2.

DJ turn it up
It's about damn time to live it up

Oh? What we've just been doing? That was child's play. NOW IT'S TIME TO LIVE!

I'm so sick of being so serious
It's making my brain delirious

Yes, god forbid you put three minutes into writing a song so it doesn't sound like complete crap.

I'm just talking truth

Did you think I was lying? No, honestly we are this hardcore. We hang out with hippies and wear hotpants and all sorts of stuff society doesn't want us to do.

Telling you about the shit we do

Ke$ha: Alright, so this one time we were out behind Old Man Jenkins' barn just wallowing in the mud with the pigs. You know, getting really, really dirty. And I was like, "Hey, should I take a shower before we go out?" And my friend was like, "Nah, just put on some stockings but rip them up the sides." SO THAT'S WHAT I DID! ARE YOUR FRIENDS THIS HARDCORE? I DIDN'T THINK SO.

We're sellin' our clothes, sleepin' in cars

Totally taking my welfare money to the hairdresser. Mama's got to get her hair did.

Dressin' it down, hittin' on dudes . . . hard.

But keep it real for a second, is there any other way to do it?

I can't believe people like this song. I can't believe somebody wrote this song and was like, "Yup, that's a winner." Going into this post if you were like, "Hey Bill could these lyrics be any stupider than Bruno Mars?" I would have been like, "That's impossible." Yet, here we are. At least Bruno's had a point, I think? I don't know. The worse part about writing these posts is that now I know all the words and can't get them out of my head. Excuse me while I go kill myself.

-Slick