The Beer-hemoth IX

Apparently it's that time of the year again, by which I mean time for brewfests. Hooray! First up for 2012 is Brew Woo, which was in its second year. This was my first indoor brewfest, which was a good thing because it was pretty chilly out in Worcester. I assume that this is was the GABF is like, if you took this event and turned it up to 11.

There were somewhere between 30 and 40 breweries, which is variable based on what was listed on the program and what was actually there. Once we got carded and let in (where I was stamped rather vigorously by the girl with the blue stamper thing), we were given our tasting glass, a list of the breweries on a heavy-duty sheet, and a pencil for taking notes. I held on to my glass, but the sheet and the pencil quickly found their way into a nearby trash can. I don't have enough hands to hold a glass, hold a paper and write on it with a pencil. Looks like my phone is going to be in charge of keeping track of what's good and what's not.

Brew Woo is an unlimited event, which is nice since you don't have to worry about wasting a ticket on something sketchy, but not as nice for some people who don't know how to manage their drinks. I ended up trying 15 beers, 14 of which made it into my tummy and 1 of which made it into a garbage can. More on that later.

Let's get to the beer.

We didn't really follow the layout of the place (it was set up into 10 "pods" of 4 breweries each), but instead just ran off toward whatever seemed interesting from wherever we happened to be standing at the time. It actually turned out to be an effective strategy, and I feel like there weren't any breweries I missed because of our path.

First up was Woodstock Inn since it was the nearest to our entry point. I chose the Pemi Pale Ale, hoping that it was going to be an American pale ale. It was not, as it was an English pale ale. The main difference here is that American ones are nice and hoppy, and English ones are more mellow and easy to drink. This beer was fine, but nothing great.

I then saw a place called Baxter Brewing, which I had not heard of before and therefore needed to be visited. I went with their Stowaway IPA, and it was pretty good. It wasn't super hoppy though, which isn't my ideal IPA. It was, on the other hand, very drinkable, so I gave another of their beers a shot, the Pamola Xtra Pale Ale. As opposed to being anything I was expecting, this beer was very sweet, with a nice light flavor. I also got a free can koozie for Kate by telling them a "bad" joke that I stole from the infamous Greg Loesch. All in all, this station was a winner.

Did you know that Waltham, MA is known as "Watch City"? I did not, but I learned this factoid when we moved over to Watch City Brewing Co. to give their Fenway Fungo a try. This is a Scottish Wee Light, and therefore probably going to be a malty beast. As expected, this beer was super smokey, with a heavy mouthfeel and sort of a meaty maltiness to it. It worked well as a sipper, although most of the group disagreed with me.

Continuing our meandering, I hit upon Revival Brewing and went for their Double Black IPA. I found it be be a lot more "black" than "IPA," which was kind of disappointing.

When I turned around, Wormtown was directly behind me, and they had their Be Hoppy IPA, a beer that was on my list to try. I figured that this was as good a time as any, and I was immediately rewarded for my decision. This beer ended up winning my award for Best In Fest, as it had a delicious hoppiness without being too bitter. Since no one was waiting behind me, I got to talking to one of the servers and ended up trying their Turtle Boy Blue, a blueberry beer. It was delicious, with a nice blueberry flavor that didn't go too far and become cloying. Along with my newfound Thirsty Dog raspberry, 21st's Hell or High Watermelon, and maybe a little Sea Dog and Hooker, this is going to be a good summer for fruit beers.

Next on my list was Offshore's IPA. Apparently I got distracted by something, because all I wrote down was that this beer had a strong flavor. I'm not sure where I was going with that, so I guess I'll give myself minus points for this one. Sorry.

Nearby, I saw Sierra Nevada, and they had their Ruthless Rye IPA, a beer I've wanted to try for a while when I see it over at Ryan & Casey's, but for some reason I've never picked any up. Maybe I will next time I'm there, as this beer was very strong, very hoppy and nicely enjoyable.

At this point, we were past the halfway point for the session, which meant it was time for a snack. Kate and I both got delicious pulled pork sandwiches. It's not a brisket, but they were delightful.

I was excited to give the Whitewater IPA from Sam Adams a try, until I took a sip. It turns out that this is like some sort of weird combination of a white beer and an IPA, which meant mine got about 2 sips and then ended up in the trash. Goddam white ales...

In an attempt to scrub my palette, I went over to Wachusett and got a Black Shack Porter. This beer wasn't bad, but it didn't seem like a porter in any way. There were no smoked flavors, and the color was super thin. Maybe I got a different beer than what I asked for.

A brewery called Backlash caught my attention with their brass knuckle motif, but their beer varieties were distinctly foreign styles. Out of the two, I chose their Belgian-style IPA, Declaration. I don't really want to say anything good or bad about it, as this is just not my style of beer, but I will say that it was like a slightly bitter hefeweizen. If that sounds like your cup of tea (or pint of beer), then this one seemed like a good one, maybe?

The next place I hit surprised me, because I didn't realize that it was a brewery. I thought it was one of those little kiosks that are always at brewfests offering something else, in this case white-water rafting. Turns out that I was actually at the table for Kennebec River Brewing, so I went with their IPA. This was a nice IPA, with a good amount of hoppiness and bitterness without being too bitter.

It was getting close to the end of the session, but still had a couple spots that I felt needed to be hit. I was having a really hard time reading the choices over at Ithaca Brewing (the names of the beers were nice and large, but the styles were super tiny and behind the server), so I just went with their Apricot Wheat. This is a really apricotty beer, and very good if you don't mind a feeling like you're drinking soda.

We closed out the event with Koko Brown from Kona Brewing, which was only possible through Kate's guilting the girl serving the beer (who wasn't going to open another Koko Brown until the next session) by lamenting how it was so delicious and she wanted to make it her last beer. What a sucker! She opened one last bottle, and I tried some as well. It's a coconut brown ale, and it's quite nice to drink. I believe this one was Kate's Best in Fest winner.

This was a nice event, and one I would gladly attend again next year. Well done, Worcester.

-Jon

The Beer-hemoth VIII - Day 1

Yeah, so this thing was getting absurdly long when I was writing it, so it needed to be split up into 2 posts. That's becoming a thing here. Sort of like Slick not posting. Zing! I haven't really posted much either, but that's an issue that will be taken care of in the near future. Seriously. I'm already writing more posts in my brain.

Ok, let's get focused. On beer!

The Vermont Brewers Festival is pretty crazy, as I detailed last year. This year we decided to attend the first and second sessions (Friday night and Saturday afternoon). I liked both of these better than the Saturday night session, especially since neither were threatened by thunderstorms. Instead of going to the third session, we went out to dinner at an awesome restaurant and ate 15,000 calories of food. It was a very healthy weekend overall.

And now for the Friday night beers.

You probably don't remember (unless you just reread The Beer-hemoth 3), but last year I really wanted to try the Espresso Amber Ale from Peak Organic, but I missed out because the session got shut down early. I took no chances this year, and kicked things off with one. It has a good coffee flavor, but the aroma seems a little artificial, which is weird considering that Peak is a fully organic brewer. The coffee flavor in an ale is a nice change from coffee stouts. It was a little bit sweet, so I don't think I could drink too many in one day.

I moved on to Allagash from there and tried their Black, which was a Belgian-style stout. This beer smelled very sweet and not like the standard stouts. While I wasn't a huge fan of the flavor, it was very light and easy drinking. It would be a good cookout beer I think.

Next up was Defiant's Medusa IPA. This was an odd beer that didn't smell or taste very hoppy. It actually had a kind of weird flavor and a very heavy feeling aftertaste. I was not really feeling it.

After having three different styles of beers, I decided to keep mixing things up and went with a traditional stout, the Oatmeal Stout from Trout River. This was a dark brown beer instead of being black, and it's flavor also wasn't quite as stout as I was expecting. After every sip, I kept thinking "I gotta have more stout! Or more cowbell! But preferably stout." It was a very smooth beer, and it mellowed out nicely, becoming quite good at the end of the glass.

The fifth beer of the day was another IPA, the Ginga' Ninja from Portsmouth. I am not 100% on this, but I believe the Ginga' part of the name is pronounced like "ginger" but in Boston, making the name rhyme. This was a nice looking IPA with a good hoppiness and flavor. The ginger was a nice complement here, adding to the flavor without being annoying.

Since the ginger worked well in the beer, I thought I'd give the Black Pepper Porter a try. This beer was from Vermont Brewing Company, and it was a weird one. I couldn't pick out any pepper in the aroma or in the flavor, but the beer just tasted odd. But not bad. I think that if it was included in a mix-pack, you wouldn't mind it.

After trying some IPAs and some black pepper, the next logical step was a black IPA. I went with Dark Day from Wormtown, which was hands down the worst named brewery there. Fortunately, they had a delicious beer. Great hop aroma, good hop flavor and malty balance, and a good bitter IPA finish. My only issue with it was that the aftertaste hangs out a little too long, feeling sort of sticky.

I should really take the opportunity at these things to try new styles of beer, but I guess I know what I like, and what I like is stouts and IPAs, so that's what I gravitate toward. For example, the Shed Stout, which wasn't very stoutlike at first, but turned out nicely after I allowed it to warm up a bit.

From stout to IPA, I tried the Flying Goose Strong Ale, which was fantastic. If this had been a dog show instead of a brewfest, this beer would win Best in Show. It had a perfect combination of citrusy hops and sweet maltiness. I need to find some of these to keep in the fridge. I hope I can get them in Keene, since Flying Goose is a NH brewery.

I supposed I could mix a pale ale in there as well, so I opted for the Pale Ale from Tullycross. I think it had a special name, but I forgot to mark it down and I didn't feel like going back. All I wrote down for this beer was that it was super smooth, so I guess it wasn't especially memorable. I went back for another Strong Ale from Flying Goose after this one because it was just that good.

Based strictly on its name, I tried the Ubu Ale from Lake Placid next. This was just not my kind of beer, so let's move on.

At this point, it was 8:47 pm and Melissa saw a pregnant woman drinking beer, making her the winner of the "Find An Irresponsible Parent" game and earning her the respect and admiration of her peers. Then we all mocked that woman's (lack of) parenting skills.

After all that mocking, it was time for another beer. I chose Jasper Murdock's 90 Schilling Pale Ale, which ended up being a mistake. This beer had too much sweetness and not enough hops for my palette, and had the unfortunate result of "accidentally" getting spilled.

To cleanse the sweetness off my poor tongue, I tried Zero Gravity's Anniversary Ale. This beer was a little hoppy and a lot bitter, and had a nice flavor for its low ABV.

Down to my last ticket, I decided to cap the evening with a guaranteed winner, so it was back to Peak Organic for another Espresso Amber. Alas, much like a year ago, it was not to be as they had run out. I went with their IPA instead. I didn't pay too much attention to it because I was so sad about the beer I wanted being gone. It was an ok beer, but probably not the greatest way to end the night.

Stay tuned for Day 2, which in theory will be posted tomorrow.

-Jon

The Beer-hemoth VI

Yup, the Beer-hemoth is back, and has now been upgraded with Roman numerals. They're so much fancier than those Arabic ones.

This will be my most poorly written Beer-hemoth yet, for a multitude of reasons. Most importantly, it was raining, so I couldn't take notes on my phone without risking water damage. And I don't think that is covered by the insurance. In addition, I forgot 2 of the beers that I tried, and I can't find them in the little brewfest booklet. You don't have to be ashamed of me; I am ashamed enough for the both of us. Finally, the event was several days ago, so this should have been done on Sunday. Er, I mean, of course I wrote this on Sunday. Just look at the date up there!

This past Saturday (um, I mean yesterday) was the 2nd annual Brattleboro Brewers Festival, so Kate and I took a trip up there after my track meet. You might recall that the original Beer-hemoth was inspired by last year's BBF. You can go back and read that one to remind yourself how awesome I used to be.

I know what you're all wondering, and the answer is no, I did not see any pregnant women drinking at this brewfest. Yes, I'm as shocked as you are.

And now for the beers! At the BBF, you get 8 tickets, but I managed to try 9 beers. One guy was pretty cool and didn't really care about the whole ticket policy. Thanks, Bro Montana! Unlike the other Beer-hemoths, these ones are not presented in order of consumption. Deal with it. I also didn't spend any of my tickets on beers that are easily acquired in Greenfield, so there won't be anything from BBC, People's Pint, Element, etc. I'll just buy the beer straight from them if I want it.

We'll start off, ironically, with the beer I finished the festival drinking: South Mountain Stout from Bobcat Brewery. You are going to notice a theme of stouts. I did not have a chance to ask the brewers if they used actual bobcats in their brewing process, but this beer did not taste like it. This was a pretty good beer, and since it wasn't an imperial stout, it was a nice change from all the stouts I've been drinking lately. It was a good beer to finish the day on. You never want your last beer to be a dud.

Another good stout was McNeill's Brewery's Reagin's Stout. This beer was the beer I had 2 beers before the previously mentioned beer, even though I am discussing it after that beer. That last sentence makes my head ache. I enjoyed this beer more than, say, McNeill's Dark Angel, which was good but a little hoppy for a stout. Reagin's Stout is a lot mellower and easy to drink.

In between those beers, I drank Northshire Chocolate Stout from Northshire Brewery. Surprisingly, I didn't really enjoy it. How can a beer with chocolate go wrong? I just don't get it.

During one of the periodic downpours, we found ourselves at the booth for The Shed, a brewpub and restaurant. I decided to have their Sanity IPA, which was an excellent choice. It was nice and hoppy, but not overly dry or bitter. Mmmm!

One of the places I had to try a beer from was Trout River Brewing Company. That is an amusing name, and made me think of Chloe. I decided to go with the Knightslayer Imperial Stout, strictly based on the Knightslayer part. Hey, I've got a weakness for all that medieval stuff. At a hefty 10.5% ABV, you'd think this beer would be a major kick in the tongue, but it wasn't at all. It was super smooth, like drinking velvet. Good flavor as well. It took me a long time to finish though, because it really felt like a huge event for each sip.

Victory Brewing Company had their dog with them, so I wanted to try a beer from them. Just kidding. Not about the dog, but about the dog being the reason I wanted one of their beers. I really wanted one because the Headwaters Pale Ale sounded delicious. And it was! I am absolutely getting a bottle of this next time I'm at either Ryan & Casey or at Table & Vine. If you like pale ale at all, try this one. You will be happy you did. Or you can give it to me. Win-win!

And finally, we get to the only beer I tried but did not finish. I have bad memories of Woodstock Inn Brewery's Kane Country Maple Porter. This is a porter beer brewed with real maple syrup. And for me, that just resulted in a sickly sweet flavor that I simply did not enjoy.

There were 2 other beers I tried, but I can't find them in this pamphlet. I am almost positive one of them was a porter, and I have no idea about the other one. Sorry about that! But overall, I would say that the beers I chose made a good showing, and it was good for Kate to get out of her house for a while. I think those pugs are starting to drive her crazy.

-Jon

The Beer-hemoth 5

I should have titled these things with Roman numerals. That would have made them seem much classier. Like the Rocky movies.

In what may be the final brewfest of the year, we went to the 2010 Wine & Brew Harvest Festival sponsored by Ryan and Casey Liquors in Greenfield. As the name suggests, this one had lots of wine to sample in addition to the standard beer offerings. I tried exactly 0 wines, because that's not how I roll. Maybe you can jump on the Mmmm, [nouns] bandwagon and start up Mmmm, wines. We'll even cut you in on the profits, to the tune of 5%.

The samples at this particular fest were 2-oz, which means I tried a whole lot of them. Settle down for a long read, because we're going to be here for a while. Once again, I chose to use the same system as last time, which is an absurd method using ok, good, and great along with exclamation points to capture my initial reaction to each beer. It's not the greatest system, but it is easy to use on my phone so I'm keeping it. I can't be writing well thought-out synopses of everything when I'm walking around in crowds. Sorry.

And away we go!

I started off with an old favorite, Shipyard Pumpkinhead, because I wanted to get off on the right foot. This beer is "Great," but some people (like silly Melissa) think it's too sweet. But then she goes and likes the banana bread beer, which is like pure sugar. Silly women. I find that pumpkin beers fit into two categories: pumpkiny, and pumpkin pie-y. This one is in the pie-y category, so drink accordingly.

I went across the tent (this fest had 4 small tents on the outside and then little stands in the center) and got Ommegang Abbey Ale. This beer is a Belgian non-white ale, so it wasn't immediately banned from my consumption. I found this beer to be "Good!" I would enjoy a couple in the future.

The next table had a couple interesting beers, and I tried the Pumpkin Ale by Dogfish Head (a brand that I am pretty sure is named after Chloe). This one is in the pumpkiny category, and it was "Good." I think there are a lot of other pumpkin ales that do it better though.

Moving on, I tried a beer that Bill and Melissa both recommended, Hooker Octoberfest. This is a quality Oktoberfest beer, which I thought was "Good!!" Bill also thought it was funny to call the beer "Melissa's beer," which I'm sure he will pay for later.

The next beer was one I had to try based strictly on name alone. It was called Merlin's Ale and came from Broughton Ales. I should have read more carefully and not just tried it because it had a wizard on the bottle, because I thought it was only "Ok." To be fair though, I am not generally a fan of scotch ales, so you might have a different opinion of it. Also, it's about 18 times better than Sam Adams Scotch Ale.

Alright, so that was a low point. Luckily I found Coopers Best Extra Stout at the same table, and that stuff was much better. I would classify it as "Great!" and that's a high rating. Stout seems to be the current title holder for the classification of "Favorite Type of Beer." Go stout!

After that, it was time to leave that tent and try some new places. I tried Watermelon Wheat from Blue Hills Brewery next, and it was a good choice. This was another "Great" beer, but the watermelon flavor was very strong. If you like watermelon but don't love it, you might want to pass on this one.

Next to Blue Hills, I found the Harvest Kölsch, a special brew from BBC that is only available on draft in special locations for a limited time. This is an unfortunate situation, because this was a "Good!!!" beer, and that means I probably won't get to have it again any time soon. Stupid special beers.

We then went over to the Sam Adams table where they had two new styles of beers that people could vote on for their next beer release. One of them was something stupid and Belgian, so I skipped it. The other was American Rye Ale, which was "Good!" I'll probably drink some of them when/if it gets released.

Wachusett Green Monsta Ale was up next on the docket. I guessed from the fact that the bottle was green and hops are green that this was going to be a pale ale. And it was! Maybe I know more about beer than I thought. Not too shabby for a pale ale; I gave this one a "Good!" rating.

As I was drinking the Monsta, I saw a sign that said Fogbuster and became quite excited. You might have read before that this beer from Paper City was "Great!!" last time I had it. Well, it still is. I am going to track this stuff down somewhere and buy a ton to gear up for a long winter. I'll have to get a second beer fridge just to handle it all.

At this point, we called an intermission and got some food. I had a pulled pork sandwich, which was ok but not swimming in BBQ sauce. The pork should be soaked in that stuff! Who's in charge of these things? This should be a law.

And back to the beer. The first beer of the second half was Lefty's Irish Style Stout. "Great" beer, silly name. I don't like the word "style" included in the name of a beer because it makes me thing they're trying to put one over on me. "It's not really Irish, but it's Irish style." Ok, now I'm suspicious. What kinds of shenanigans are you trying to pull here, Lefty's?

I then found that Long Trail has a new (to me) beer called Harvest. I didn't like it very much. I rated it as "Ok..." which I think means that it was barely ok, but I don't know what is below Ok on the meter. Basically, pass on this one and drink something else that they make.

Alright, let's get past that disappointing beer and try something else. Perhaps this Octoberfest from Harpoon will do the trick. Or perhaps not. This beer was also only "Ok," but without the ellipsis afterwards. That means that it was better than the Harvest beer before it, but still not one I would drink frequently.

I decided to get a little wacky and try Banana Bread Beer from Wells. This beer is way too sweet. I love pretty much anything with sugar or chocolate or candy, and even for me this was too sweet. I didn't even give it a normal rating; all it says here is "Way too sweet." So there you go.

Alright, we're on a bit of an off streak right now, so I guess it's time for a new tent. The next beer up was Red Racer Craft Lager, which comes in a can that Kathryn thought was cool. The beer itself was "Good," but that's all.

Needing to turn things around, I went with Opa Opa's Oktoberfest for my next choice. Now, even though they have apparently no skill in correctly cooking a steak or in customer service, they have the beer thing working. This beer was "Good!!!" which means we are back on track.

Although that last beer seemed to turn things around, I was wary of trying something else that wasn't good. That meant that I needed to go with a known quantity, such as Magic Hat. I chose their Hi.P.A. because it has to be good, right? Even better: this beer was "Good!!!" Super hoppy too. You should probably be expecting that though, from the name.

Moving on, I saw that Peak Organic was here, so I was hoping that they'd have that coffee beer I wanted to try up in Burlington. They did not, so instead I tried their IPA. It was a decent substitute, and it was "Good!!" And it was organic, so that's also good. I guess.

Next up was Coopers Pale Ale. This beer was "Not Great." Let's move on.

Goose Island Harvest Ale was the next beer I had. I think it might just be their Honkers Ale in a new bottle, because it tasted a lot like it. That's not a bad thing though, because I enjoy that beer and I enjoyed this one, which was "Good!!!"

The last two beers I had were both from Kona, so they can both go here. The first was the Longboard Island Lager. It was "Good!!," but it wasn't nearly as good as the Fire Rock Pale Ale. That second one was "Great," and it was a nice way to end the day.

Overall, this one seemed like a better festival than the last one, but I had better beers last time. Either way, I'll probably go to both of them next year. These things are great!

-Jon

Pumpkin Beer Breakdown

Warning - this post is going to be extremely long. I get super excited when I'm writing about beer and tend to be long-winded. Don't say I didn't tell you ahead of time.

Now that fall has rolled around*, it's time for one of the most exciting beer-related events of the year: pumpkin beers! If you don't like pumpkin beers, you will probably not enjoy the following post, so you may want to move on. There may be funny stuff though, so you'll miss out on that. Eh, just read it. It's not like you have anything better to do.

I may be wrong (which happens with alarming frequency), but it seems like there are more and more pumpkin beers every year. In an effort to educate the masses, and also to keep you from having crappy pumpkin beer in your fridge if I am at your house, I have taken it upon myself to try as many of these beers as I can. I realize that this may be a hardship for my liver, but my readers are worth it. You can thank me later. With beer.

And now, in no particular order, here are your pumpkin contenders. I like making up ridiculous rating systems, so each beer will be rated based on the number of 12-oz bottles I think I could drink consecutively of each variety before I throw up, pass out or just plain get sick of them.

Samuel Adams Harvest Pumpkin Ale

Well, this one is news to me. I didn't realize that Sam Adams even had a pumpkin variety. Probably because this is the first year, so I can't be blamed for my ignorance. I am not sure that it's even in its own pack yet, because I've only gotten it in their Harvest Mix-Pack. Side note - why do the Sam Adams mix-packs always have either one or two garbage beers in them? Like the Harvest mix-pack. What is Dunkelweizen doing in there? It tastes like feet!! Ok, side note over.

I was pleasantly surprised by this beer. It has a super pumpkiny smell (there needs to be an adjective for that, so "pumpkiny" is the one I'll be using), but it's not overpoweringly pumpkiny tasting. I actually let it warm up a little, and that made it taste a little better. There's probably a beer-related explanation for that, but you aren't going to get it here. Maybe when Mmmm, Beer launches I'll go into more detail about the beers. Anyway, if you're making your first foray into pumpkin beers, this is not a bad starting point. Beer rating: 7. Let's get a little silly, but then we should probably change over to something else.

Shipyard Smashed Pumpkin

This is a special beer from Shipyard that comes in a fancy bottle with some guy's signature on it. It might be a seasonal beer, but I'm not sure because Kathryn got me a bottle of it about a month ago. Is that even pumpkin season? Do pumpkins grow in Maine? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

Smashed Pumpkin has a very different pumpkin flavor. It tastes more sweet, like a pumpkin pie. Be careful though, because this stuff is like 9.0% ABV, which is enough to kick your ass if you aren't paying attention. I would call this beer a dessert beer, although I'm sure that means something completely different in beer-snob circles. If you aren't into sweet beers, you probably aren't going to like this one. I still think it's worth a taste though. Maybe you'll find it's right up your alley. How am I supposed to know? Oh, PS - this beer seems to only come in 22-oz bottles. I am still giving my rating in 12-oz bottles. Beer rating: 3. The sweetness is a bit cloying. Maybe we'll finish the night off with some of this, but we aren't drinking it all night.

Blue Moon Harvest Moon

You being serious right now? Haven't I made my opinion on Blue Moon quite clear at this point? Fine, let's do this again. If you drink this beer, I hate you. If you have this beer at your house and invite me over, I'm going to show up, see it, then leave. If you bring this beer to my house, you're not coming in. You can go sit in your car and wait for me to dump out one of your beers and throw the bottle at your windshield. Don't disrespect my house like that. Beer rating: 0. I'd rather be sober than drink this piss.

Jack's Pumpkin Spice Ale

This beer is a dirty liar. When you pop the top and take a sniff, it smells delightfully pumpkiny. Then you take a sip, and it's like getting punched in the ear. What happened to all that pumpkiny goodness!? It's gone, and all that's left is a flavor like crappy Bud Light with a hint of pumpkin. You betrayed me, Jack.

I suppose that if I had been more careful, I would not have been surprised since this beer comes from Anheuser-Busch. I really have to lower my expectations for their silliness. Beer rating: 1. I would drink one just so I can appreciate other, good beers more. Then I'd try to trick other people into drinking the rest.

Shipyard Pumpkinhead Ale

Now we're talking. For sheer amount of pumpkiny taste, this is the beer to get. It has come to my attention that the pumpkin flavor in this beer is artificially done, but I don't really care. If you're a beer purist, then that might concern you, but my guess is that you're the type of person who gets wasted on Bud Light a couple times a year and couldn't care less about quality.

I love this beer. The first day it comes out in package stores every year is like a mini-Christmas for me. And when it's gone from stores every year, it feels like. . . I don't know, some crappy holiday. Flag Day maybe? However, the first day it's gone, my liver celebrates like it's Independence Day, throwing off the oppressive shackles of the previous two months' workload. Kathryn told me that she just picked up a 12-pack yesterday, which means that I'm definitely getting at least 7 of those. Even just writing that down makes me smile. Beer rating: 12, based on my current tolerance. The real rating is however many beers I'm currently able to drink.

Buffalo Bill's Pumpkin Ale

Oh boy, this beer has an exciting name! A funny name will always trump a boring one if I'm undecided about what to buy. If you ever open a brewery, you should consult me before you start naming your beers. Actually, you should let me work for you. Working in a brewery would probably be awesome. And if it sucked, at least I could get drunk at work, which would make it more tolerable.

This beer blows. Sadly, a neat name can't make up for low quality beer. I can't tell what is not great about it, but it's just not that good. It doesn't smell as pumpkiny as the others, and it doesn't taste very pumpkiny at all. I feel like those are important qualities for a pumpkin beer to have. Now I have to figure out a way to get other people to drink the rest of these. Haha, just kidding. . . . Beer rating: 2. I would drink a second one just to figure out what's going on here.

Post Road Pumpkin Ale

This beer is actually from Brooklyn Brewery, but they keep that on the DL, just like the big American companies do with their fake micro-brews. I don't really get it in this case, since Brooklyn Brewery is pretty much a micro-brewery as is, but hey, whatever.

This has to be the most carbonated of all the pumpkin beers I've had, although I have one more to try. I just don't want to have to come back and edit this section, so I'm being lazy. It's also a lot hoppier than the other ones. That second thing is going to be hit or miss with everyone since everyone has their own feelings on how hoppy beer should be. It doesn't bother me though. I think I would actually like this beer more if it wasn't a pumpkin beer. There's a slight pumpkin aroma, but it's just barely there. It's got a nice pumpkiny aftertaste though, which I feel is more important than the smell. Beer rating: 5. I'll start drinking, and then you can come over and we'll drink the last 2 beers together.

Southampton Publick House Pumpkin Ale

Why is there a "k" up there? That's ridiculous. Maybe I'll start throwing extra letters into words just to make things silly. You're already starting in the hole here, SPHPA.

This is another beer with a light pumpkin smell. It has a stronger pumpkin taste than expected though, with a hint of something else that I can't quite put my finger on. Cinnamon? Nutmeg? Marjoram? Seriously, what is marjoram? I might get some and start throwing it into my cooking just to solve this mystery. Sorry, got a little sidetracked there. Those spices are tricky little bastards. Anyway, this is a pretty good beer. I think you should try it. Also, the beer rating on this one is fixed based on previous ratings. I really need to stop using rating systems. Beer rating: 6. I would drink more of these than the last one, but not as many as that Sam Adams beer.

And now we conclude another massive post that has spanned multiple days of "research." I think that I may now use the word "research" when I really mean that I'm going out drinking. I was going to give a final thought about pumpkin beers here, but now I don't feel like doing it, and also I forgot what I was going to type. Um, so pretty much it comes down to this: if my birthday was in September, you would be buying me Pumpkinhead for my birthday. Since it's not, I guess I'll have to buy 8 cases next weekend. Hopefully I'll sober up for the Festa though, as I have a lot of research to do there.

-Jon

*I realize it's not fall, but I am not in charge of the beer schedule. You probably also noticed that Sam Summer came out on April 1st, which is not summer by any stretch of the imagination. You may have also seen Octoberfest/Oktoberfest beers out, even though it isn't September yet.** Beers apparently come out whenever they feel like it, regardless of how ridiculous it seems.

**I know the name is Oktoberfest, but it starts in September every year. Read a fucking book for once.

The Beer-hemoth 3

Ok, this is what we've been preparing for all summer. Or maybe all my life. The Vermont Brewers Festival! Thirty-nine brewers, 188 varieties of beer, thousands of people. . . this thing was crazy. We arrived in Burlington during the first Saturday session (2nd overall session) and we walked by the festival area just to check it out. I was slightly overwhelmed by the whole thing. Next year we'll have to do all 3 sessions so that I can get one of those super-pimp cup holder necklaces! And also I'm going to bring more money to buy silly beer-related things.

I also got to eat Vermont's best burger! You can go read that later! Or now. Just don't forget to come back and read this one, because I am putting a lot of work into it.

First things first: I should not be allowed to drive a car in any kind of urban environment. It is just an absolute disaster. I should move to a city and sell my car so that I'll never have to drive again!

This festival had a lot less free stuff. That is ok since it had a lot more beer! I will just need to attend some more festivals so that I can up my swag-load. Hey, the walls of Burger Bros slash my man-room aren't going to decorate themselves! I need as much beer-related paraphernalia as I can get my hands on. I also bought a new pint glass and a couple of t-shirts. Good weekend all around in the acquisition department.

We were at the festival for the opening bell of the final session, which meant we were some of the first people in line at Lawson's Finest when 6:00 rolled around the tasting began. Good thing too! I started off my festival with Noonan's Tribute, which was their special brew in honor of the recently deceased Greg Noonan. It was pretty good, but I bet it would have been much better if it had been cold. It also reminded me of Christmas. I don't know how to explain that any better. After we got our beers, the line behind us was absolutely out of control. Probably the longest one we saw all night. And there were some long lines.

Next I moved over to Longtrail and tried the Black and White. It was super-citrusy. Maybe even too citrusy. It didn't really taste like a beer. For me, the sample was more than enough. I probably wouldn't buy this on its own, but I wouldn't be pissed off it was included in a mix-pack.

Up next was Otter Creek Stovepipe Porter. I am really starting to get into these dark beers. This one was especially heavy, which means it is not Kathryn-beer. I liked it a lot, and I will probably grab a 6-pack next time I am at Table & Vine.

Alright, so we're off to a pretty good start now. Two beers out of three with no real prior knowledge counts as success in my book. The line at Magic Hat was not very long at this point, so we got into it and I got an Epic Elixir. The description said that it was a "malty amber ale with toffee and caramel." That description did not match the beer that I was drinking at all! The beer I had was very sweet and still good, but I didn't notice any toffee or caramel. This would be another good mix-pack beer.

Beer #5 was Harpoon 100 Barrel Series. I am not sure what this beer was all about, but I didn't like it. Also, I hope you like foam! This beer was extra foamy, which is fine because that just means I had less of it that I had to drink. Harpoon was also selling things like t-shirts, bumper stickers and dog collars. I tried to get Kathryn to buy a collar for Odin, but they were gigantic and would have actually been a belt for the little guy.

At this point, we saw our first and only pregnant woman. Seriously, get these people out of the brewers festivals!

Moving on to the next group of tents, I tried the Mountain Ale from The Shed. This was a brown ale, so think of Newcastle but better. I would recommend this one to others. I also need to find out where some of these beers are sold. Maybe you should find them and get them for me for my upcoming birthday.

Next was the Gardner Ale House Naked Stout. I think this beer may have been misnamed, as the person serving it to me was fully clothed, and I did not end up naked after drinking it. It's a stout, so you pretty much know what you're getting when you order it. I think this would be a really good beer with a meal, like steak.

I wanted to get the Espresso Amber Ale from Peak Organic next, but the line was simply ridiculous. Very sad, but we could come back later. Or so I thought.

The line at Smuttynose seemed reasonable, so we ended up there and I got the Robust Porter. This thing WAS robust! I bet Kathryn would not have liked this one either. To me, it was like getting a kick in the tastebuds. Wake up, jerks! I liked it. And again, Smuttynose is fun to say.

We then went over to Northshire Brewery where I sampled the Battenkill Ale. This was another brown ale, but it was very light. There was also no real aftertaste or "stickiness" when you drink it. I thought it was pretty good. I also ended up getting my pint glass from this place because I liked the font.

Madison Brewing Company had their stand next door, so we figured we might as well go there next. I chose the Wee Heavy, which was. . . something. It was really weird. I did not particularly care for it. The tap had a funny looking fat guy on it though, so at least I got a laugh out of it.

We continued along the row of tents to Jasper Murdock's Ale House, where I was super excited to try the Whistling Pig. Alas, there was none to be had. They must have run out during one of the previous sessions, so I had to go with the Fuggle & Barleycorn, which was not especially good. I was very disappointed with the whole thing. Thanks a lot, jerks.

Finally, we found McNeill's for what turned out to be the final beer of the night. I chose the Firehouse Amber Ale, which was awesome. It was similar to a #9, which is great. I think it would qualify as my favorite beer of the night.

Sadly, at this point we got in line at Peak Organic as the angry clouds began to roll in. Just as we got under the tent, which would put us in the first few people in line, the organizers came around telling everyone to stop pouring beers. Apparently it's not safe to have thousands of people outside drinking when there is lightning hurtling down from the sky. Who knew. We made our way back to the parking lot and took our new stuff, shirts, and beer opinions back to Motel 6 to call it a night. All things considered, I enjoyed the festival. I am waiting for them to open up registration for next year's festival so that I can book a closer hotel.

Oh yeah, those "urinals" inside the port-a-potties? What's up with those? They seem like far more of a challenge than I could possible see myself attempting.

-Jon

The Beer-hemoth 2

Ok, so I lied. However, at the time I made the statement, I did not know it was a lie, so I feel that absolves me a little. When I mentioned The Beer-hemoth 2 the other day, I said that it would be after the Vermont Brewer's Festival in July. Little did I know that Table & Vine would be having a keg-party/beer-tasting/free-burger day of madness during this weekend. Thus, the Beer-hemoth 2 has been relocated from northern Vermont to Western Mass, with the Vermont thing now being temporarily called The Beer-hemoth 3. I don't want to guarantee the title in case of more shenanigans. Also, I do realize that northern Vermont lacks a capital "N" while Western Mass gets both words capitalized. That is because Massachusetts > Vermont.

Today's beer tasting was a lot different from the Brattleboro Brewer's Festival. For one thing, there weren't nearly as many beer options. Also, it was held inside instead of outside. The beer samples were also a lot smaller. Like maybe 1.5 to 2 ounces instead of 4 at a time. Finally, and probably most importantly, this one was free. They accepted donations, which I did because anyone who didn't probably was viewed as a total scumbag, but if you were a jerk, you could have just gone in for free.

They also had hamburgers, but they were nothing to brag about. Actually, the less I say about them the better. Except I will talk about them, and at length.

The policy was that you got a bracelet with 10 tear-off tabs on them, and every time you tried a beer, the vendors took a tab. Except that not every vendor remembered to take a tab, an event that the 5 of us referred to as "gettin' freebies." Tony also stole several tabs, and random people would come up to us and give us their bracelets. Obviously we looked like a group of serious drinkers. This will hopefully explain why there are a lot more than 10 reviews here.

On to the beers!

I started off with Sierra Nevada Summerfest which was a terrible decision. It tasted like a pretty bad pale ale, and I just didn't like it at all. I did help myself to one of their coasters, so it wasn't a total loss.

Ok, so we had a bit of a false start, but nothing to worry about. I moved on to Dirty Penny Ale from Olde Burnside Brewing Company. Probably not the best name for a beer, but who knows; people will drink pretty much anything. I could brew a beer, call it Sweaty Ball Lager, and still sell several barrels a week. Actually, I might do that if Burger Bros becomes Burger Bros Restaurant and Brewery. Keep an eye out for Sweaty Ball Lager. Back on track, the DPA is good stuff. It tastes kind of like a porter, which is weird considering that it is called a lager, but I am not a beer expert. Yet. It was also nice and smooth, which made it awesome. I will have to buy some next time I'm over at Table & Vine.

I followed that up with some fruity beers. Not like fruity in the Will & Grace sense, but fruity like actual fruit. The first one was Woodstock Inn Raspberry Weasel Wheat. It's made with bits of real weasel, so you know it's good! (I actually said that to someone at the tasting, then Matt and I laughed hysterically. Thanks, Ron Burgundy!) I ended up drinking a few more samples of this later, so that is a pretty strong endorsement. The raspberry flavor was really strong, almost to the point where it didn't taste like a beer. It was also very sweet, so I could see it not being for everyone. It's definitely good enough for me though!

Next I had a Hooker Watermelon Ale. Heh heh, Hooker. I liked it a lot more than the last watermelon beer I had, which was from Opa Opa. I don't know if I could manage an entire bottle though. I would let Kathryn order it, then drink some of it when she wasn't looking.

I tried a little of Bill's Shipyard Summer. It sucked. We both agreed that it sucked, so just skip it and drink Sam Summer instead.

At this point, I went outside and ate the lame burger. It was not great.

When I got back inside, I tried the Goose Island IPA. It tasted super hoppy and a little bitter, but I think that is what you expect from an IPA. I would drink this again.

Hoping to redeem the Shipyard Brewing Company, I decided to give their Wheat Ale a try. I did not care for it. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. It just was. I don't think I would drink it too often, especially considering that I know they have some good beers from this particular brewer. Come on, Shipyard, step it up.

Alright, I had been putting this off for a while, but I finally had to try Red Stripe Light just because I really like Red Stripe and hoped that their light beer wasn't going to disappoint me. Luckily, I ended up satisfied. It doesn't taste too light, sort of the way that Sam Adams Light is not a bottle of crap like most light beers are. Hooray light beer!

Next up was the Smuttynose Summer Weizen. This beer was ok. There was nothing very memorable about the taste of this beer, so I would probably avoid it in the future. Also, it smelled weird. I don't make a point of drinking weird smelling beers.

After that, I sort of tried the Anchor Steam Beer. I say sort of because I am pretty sure I have had this beer before. It tasted familiar, and it tasted like a beer that wasn't very good. This beer fell into the aforementioned freebie category, so I wasn't too upset about trying a not-so-great beer. I could see myself being upset if I had bought a 6-pack of these things. I don't think I'll be drinking these in the future.

At this point, I was down to presumably my 3 final tabs, so I decided to spend them on beers I already knew I liked. I settled on a Magic Hat Wacko, a Sea Dog Blue Paw and a Long Trail Blackbeary Wheat. These are 3 great beers that I have had more of than I can remember, since I only count the Summer Ales in the Summer Ale Challenge (going strong in year 3).

At this point, I got a few more tabs from some random lady, so I tried to find more new beers. Unfortunately, nothing really enticed me, so I ended up getting a Hooker Blonde Ale and some more Weasels. The Hooker was pretty good, so I was pleased with that choice. All in all, it was a good time, and I think that beer-tastings and brewers festivals are going to have to make a more frequent appearance in my plans.

I tried 2 more beers at home later, so they can join in on this thing. Shipyard Blue Fin Stout and Saranac Pomegranate Wheat were also consumed, and they get included because they were purchased from Table & Vine and also because I am the one writing this thing so I make all the rules. The Blue Fin was good stuff, but that is because I am becoming more and more of a stout fan. The Pomegranate Wheat wasn't that great, but there was a picture of a bear juggling on the bottle, so it at least gets points for that. Bears are just cool animals.

I've got 2 different variety packs in the fridge right now, so there may be another Beer-hemoth prior to the previously declared Beer-hemoth 3. However, I wouldn't count on it, because I would end up drinking full bottles of each beer and probably forgetting to write down the half-assed notes I usually take, which would reduce the quality of my post. And no one wants that.

-Jon