Boardwalk Empire is . . .

a new show on HBO that appears like it's going to be the tits. I used that expression one time and somebody honestly looked at me and asked, "Wouldn't it just be the tit?" Really? I'm surprised I had to be the one to break the news to this person that tits come in two's. However, I can't remember who I was talking to which leads to believe that I was . . . errr . . . not feeling well. But once again, I digress. Everything I've read and heard about this show says it's going to be super awesome. Not just awesome, super awesome.

In case you haven't heard anything about this show yet, allow me to paint you a nice little word picture. Boardwalk Empire is set in 1920 Atlantic City on the cusp of prohibition. Can you imagine what that must be like? How is someone supposed to meet a girl if you're not allowed to have alcohol? That completely ruins the Jon Dias School for People Who Want to Learn How to Talk to Girls and Want To Do Other Stuff Good Too. I supposed that I have to lead the school now that the godfather has taken another position at How to Trick Girls into Committed Relationships Academy. How are these fake, absurdly named schools working for you? I'm guessing it's hit and miss. Whatever, I know I'm fucking hilarious.

Alright, so the first episode of Boardwalk starts in the first days of prohibition and all the corrupt politicians are scheming on how to supply AC with liquid courage. The first episode was a little slow because they had to establish all the characters and environment and all of that crap but I'm still pretty excited about this show. Mostly because when I watch old-timey shows like this I get to say ridiculous things like, "If I lived in the 1920's I could be a total fucking badass," which is probably complete nonsense. I don't know if I have the killer instinct necessary to whack off every guy that double crosses me. Wait, I'm not positive I used that expression right . . . but I think it's close enough. But then I think, "If Steve Buscemi could be the biggest badass in Atlantic City, well then I could at least be like the 4th biggest badass." More than likely I'd be the first guy shot because I said something inappropriate about someone's mother.

I realize that this post is completely useless for deciding whether or not you should watch Boardwalk Empire, but if you wanted a legitimate opinion you wouldn't be reading this blog. Nevertheless, this show looks like it's going to be awesome. But not just awesome, super awesome.

-Slick