Bring It Back is a new feature where something that was already written about gets another look from a different contributor. Most likely it will be me doing the second opinion because I am always way behind on movies. Like a few years behind. Did you know that there's a sixth Rocky movie? Or a fourth Indiana Jones? Where have I been?
And even better news, besides the expansion of the Mmmm, Opinions repertoire? You get a double shot today. Try to calm down.
Spoiler alerts. This post contains spoilers because I am talking about a movie that came out a long time ago. I don't feel bad if either of the people who read this haven't seen the movie and have it ruined for them. You have been warned.
First up: The Book of Eli. You may want to go back and read Slick's work to familiarize yourself with what's going on. First of all, any movie that takes place in a post-apocalyptic world scores points with me. I don't know why, but I like that setting. This movie reminds me a lot of the game Fallout 3, which is also happening in a post-apocalyptic world but doesn't center on a dude with a book. It also has slightly more shooting and less stabbing.
Slick found this movie disappointing, but I found it average. I enjoyed it while it was on, but I doubt I would hype it to others. Slick did forget one of the important things that survives an apocalypse though: pimpin' shades. Everyone in this movie had sunglasses or goggles. Stock up now! They will make valuable bargaining chips when money is gone and bartering is the way to go.
Did this movie make sense? Fuck no! Eli is fucking blind!! How the fuck can he figure out which way is west? How the fuck can he shoot people with such astounding accuracy? Not even Daredevil (horrible movie by the way) has superhuman senses like that. Also, Jackie from That 70s Show is definitely going to die on her way back to her mom. Just because Eli was the world's nastiest blind knife fighter doesn't mean that she's going to inherit his skills just by picking up his knife after Eli dies. That's not how things work. First fight she gets in, I bet she cuts herself and dies from infection. Now, was the movie entertaining? Yes. The fight scenes were pretty cool, and there were things exploding. I would watch it again knowing that Eli is blind and point out every instance where I think it's bullshit. That might be a fun game.
Overall: it's worth a watch, but only at a low price. Like free, which is what I paid to watch it on the plane.
Next, we have Sherlock Holmes. The new one with Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law and that girl from Wedding Crashers and The Notebook. Again, this has been discussed before, here and also here. Go back and get your read on.
Done? Good.
I liked it. People got punched, the plot was actually pretty coherent, and British accents (or possibly fake British accents) make everything better. I've only read one Sherlock Holmes book (The Hound of the Baskervilles), but I read it twice I think. Hey, the middle school library wasn't exactly full back in the mid-90s. Unfortunately, I can't remember anything about it, so I'm not sure if Holmes was a semi-douche in the books. He certainly was in the movie, which was cool. No one wants some smug know-it-all for the main character. We want bare-knuckle boxers who like fighting giant Frenchmen and jump out windows into the Thames and swordfight on top of an under-construction Tower Bridge. Hey, I told you there were spoilers in this post.
The only thing that was annoying is that, much like National Treasure: Book of Secrets, they clearly told you that a sequel is coming. There is no reason to put bullshit like this in your movies. When you have a budget over $100 million, the six months of commercials that will inevitably precede the next installment of your film series is more than enough warning that it's coming. They also did a cheesy thing where they referenced an even bigger criminal than the current antagonist at the end of the movie. Ooooh! Lord Blackwood was just some doofus and the big bad guy is Professor Moriarty, so we can make another half a billion with a sequel. Sort of how the first Christian Bale Batman movie doesn't have the Joker until he's mentioned in passing at the end. Ok, director, we get it: you know the history of your movie's main character. Well done, jerkoff, you've really impressed me.
Overall: definitely worth watching. Maybe even worth renting. That's pretty high praise from a guy who's unemployed.
I hope you've enjoyed the debut of Bring It Back. Stay tuned for more as I continue doing non-productive things this summer, like watching movies from several years ago.
-Jon
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