Michael Jordan. . .

kind of sucks.

Just because Michael Jordan was a great basketball player and a great clutch shooter and a great dunker and a terrible baseball player and has cool shoes and owns the Charlotte Bobcats and starred in a movie with cartoon characters and Danny DeVito and was in a mediocre video game, people think he's a good guy. Well, he's not; he actually kind of sucks. Here's why:

1. He cheats on his wife. This doesn't even bother me anymore. Guys with power and opportunity are going to sleep with tons of women. However, I'll put this in here for all you young romantics out there who think otherwise.

BONUS: BLOG WITHIN A BLOG!

Big Time Athletes (and Jason Varitek) Cheat on Their Wives by Pat the Intern

There comes a time in an athlete's life when he chooses to cheat on his wife. Here is a small sample of men who have done that:

• Jason Varitek
• Allen Iverson
• Tiger Woods
• Michael Jordan
• Steve McNair
• Shaquille O'Neal
• Alex Rodriguez
• Brett Favre
• Kobe Bryant

Pat the Intern is assigning homework to all (Editor's note - both) the Mmmm, opinions loyal readers out there. The assignment is to go out and find more athletes who cheat on their wives. It's easy; I found these 9 by typing in "athletes who cheat on their wives" into Google and picking the nine most famous (except Jason Varitek. I just threw him in there because everyone in New England immortalizes him. In reality, he is a below-average catcher who cheats on his wife with female sideline reporters. Kudos to Tek though; Heidi Watney is pretty hot.). In fact, it is said that around 80% of professional athletes cheat on their wives!

This concludes the blog within the blog.

2. He is a jerk to his fans. I'm sure by now you have all heard the Chamillionaire/Michael Jordan story. Oh, you haven't? Well, here it is. And for those of you too lazy to click the link, rapper Chamillionaire asked to take a picture with Jordan. Jordan said, "I don't take pictures with niggas." Chamillionaire, confused, said, "I just paid $7,000 for your jersey at a charity event." Jordan replied, while laughing, "Tell you what. Give me $15,000 right now and I'll let you take a picture with me."
3. Gambling problems. Jordan is notorious for his gambling problems. In the book Michael and Me: Our Gambling Addiction... My Cry for Help, this real estate guy talks about how Jordan lost over a million dollars to him in golf. It also highlights how Jordan lost like $50,000 to a convicted cocaine dealer in poker. Maybe instead of working on his jump shot, he should've been working on his poker face! ZING!
4. The only thing about basketball he's good at is playing it. The Washington Wizards can thank Jordan for drafting Kwame Brown. They can also thank him for the brilliant trade in which the Wizards got Jerry Stackhouse for Richard Hamilton. These moves led directly to the zero championships the Wizards have compiled over the last 10 years.
5. He is a bitter asshole. Did you hear his Hall of Fame speech? Oh, you didn't? Well, here it is. What a weird speech. He just goes down a list of people he has grudges against. Honestly, who cares that Doug Collins didn't want you to play in the summer league? And even more honestly, who cares about the dude who made the varsity team over you like 32 years ago? Let it go, man. You didn't need to take a shot at the guy either; it's not like it was his choice to put himself on the team over you.

An honorable mention to the fact that he's a bad teammate. He would often yell at the GM and his teammates, and go gambling the night before a playoff game until well after midnight. Anyway, Michael Jordan kind of sucks, and no one should buy his shoes or his Space Jam posters anymore.

-Pat the Intern