During this past high school volleyball season, I had a lot of matches in distant locations (i.e. Franklin Country), which led to a lot of driving and subsequently a lot of time to formulate random thoughts about fairly silly topics. Hey, there's not a whole lot of action on 91 once you get past Northampton, so my brain is free to ponder the unimportant things in life. I will try to avoid hot-button issues like orange popsicles this time.
I don't understand why vampires are so intelligent and classy while zombies are basically brain dead hillbillies. They're both undead. And since zombies are clearly the next big thing now that Twilight has pretty much ruined vampires for the next 5 years, I think someone needs to come up with a zombie movie that doesn't have zombies wandering around pointlessly and attempting to eat everything non-zombified. Maybe a movie where the zombies are actually the good guys! A guy can dream, right?
Why can't I run diagonally with the Pegasus Boots? I can walk horizontally, vertically and diagonally, but I can only run horizontally and vertically? That doesn't make any sense. Quit jerking me around, Link.
I won a fleece vest the other day. I don't really have any idea when I'm going to wear it though. I guess if I ever want my core to be warm, but I'm angry at my arms and want them to suffer, I have the proper attire.
Stop signs and yield signs are different. Aren't they? I realize that they're both red and white, but they have different words and different shapes, so I have always assumed they signify different things. And even if they don't, you still shouldn't drive through either one when it might lead to you hitting me while I have the right of way. That's right, guy-in-the-gray-SUV-talking-on-your-cell-phone-and-generally-being-a-jerk, I saw you try to blow that stop sign. Nice try.
In the same vein, crosswalks are different from regular pavement. A good rule of thumb is that crosswalks are generally yellow with white borders or a series of parallel white line segments. If you look down, and don't see this, you are not in a crosswalk. Which means that if you are wearing all dark clothes and it's nighttime, you might want to find a crosswalk and not just arbitrarily start crossing the road without looking behind you. Otherwise, you might get hit by a car, like that person I saw almost get hit the other day. Also, the sidewalk, as its name suggests, is a better place to walk than the road. There are far fewer cars driving on the sidewalk, which will also increase your odds of survival. Just here to help.
I don't own many hardcover books. Probably because they cost more than paperbacks, and I'm a cheap bastard. But they are better for hiding money in, so maybe I'll have to acquire more. And please don't come to my house and go through all my hardcovers. There's no money hidden in them yet.
If you pass me on the highway, and then pull in front of me, and then go slower than I'm going, I should be allowed to shoot you. In the leg. With a harpoon. I assume that if you pass me, you want to go faster than I am going (which is usually 65 with the cruise control set). Thus, it doesn't make sense for you to move in front of me and drive 60. If 65 is not fast enough, then 60 can't be fast enough either, as 60 < 65. So cut the crap.
I don't think that there's any form of communication lower than anonymous commenting on a website. If you want to read the most idiotic, racist, intolerant, and otherwise offensive stuff in the world, just read comments. Not here, of course, as we don't have a large enough reader base to generate that kind of jackassery. But at any major website, it's just awful.
Well, that's it for now. The high school season ended today, but Kate still lives way up near Vermont, so there will still be plenty of opportunities for me to think of ways to try to fix the world. Or at least make fun of it.
-Jon
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