True Lies may be. . .

the most ridiculous movie every made, even by ridiculous action-movie standards.

This movie is great, as long as you don't take it too seriously. Once you do, you end up with a long list of ridiculous things that are straight up laughable. I may continually switch up between character names and real-life names strictly to mess with you. Harry is Arnold Schwarzenegger, Albert is Tom Arnold, Helen is Jamie Lee Curtis. Or maybe I won't, and that last sentence was just to throw you off. Maybe you should have watched the movie, slacker. Also, these are completely out of plot order.

• Harry has a tuxedo on underneath scuba attire, but it isn't wrinkled at all. If I even look at my suit, it gets wrinkles.
• Harry punches out the window of the car without injuring himself or even cutting his hand.
• Harry steals a $35 million jet, immediately smashes a police car with it, and no one even tries to stop him.
• Helen somehow becomes an agent of Omega Sector at the end of the movie, despite having no skills other than. . . nope, nothing.
• Harry's daughter is kidnapped and not immediately killed. Movie terrorists are not go-getters.
• Harry's daughter steals the arming key for the bomb, and runs higher up the building instead of going to the ground floor. Most buildings have their exits at street level, not roof level.
• Harry rescues Helen from an out-of-control speeding car via helicopter.
• Token Evil Arab jumps a motorcycle off the roof of a hotel into the pool of the building across the street and only suffers wet clothes as a result.
• Harry was going to try to follow him. With a horse.
• Harry rides a horse fast enough to keep up with a motorcycle.
• Harry rides a horse through a hotel and up the elevator.
• You know what, the whole horse scene.
• Tom Arnold is trusted with government secrets. He married Roseanne!!
• Harry, now piloting the stolen Harrier jet, shakes the Token Evil Arab off the wing so that he catches on a missile and then fires the missile (and him) into more Evil Arabs flying a helicopter.
• Token Evil Arab has four nuclear missiles, and wastes one blowing up an uninhabited island just to prove he has them.
• Harry gets smashed in the head twice with a hotel room phone, which knocks him to the floor. However, he is perfectly fine the next second. He should have to pass a concussion test before he's allowed back to fight terrorists.
• Helen drops a gun (an Uzi, I believe) down the stairs which causes it to start firing, yet none of the bullets go in her direction.
• Alright, every action sequence in the movie is ridiculous.

There's probably (as in definitely) other things as well, but these are some of the most memorable. That Arnold Schwarzenegger; he sure likes killing people.

-Jon