Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Gone In 60 Seconds is. . .

pretty much the greatest terrible movie I can think of. Stay with me.

This movie is just awful. And yet, I still have seen it probably 20 times at the least. It's like being addicted to cigarettes. You know that nothing good can come of it, but you still do it. Well, not you specifically, but probably someone that you know.

Off the top of my head, I can think of 3 scenes in the movie that are just painful to watch. First is the scene where Nicolas Cage and Robert Duvall are listening to cars revs their engine and Robert Duvall starts doing some weird conductor thing with his hands. Second is the scene where Nicolas Cage is pretending to be some rich jackoff and planning to buy a Ferrari. Or possibly a Lamborghini. Something with a 4-legged creature on it. Third is the scene where Token Black Guy starts singing "Brick House" and making a doll dance to distract the officer at the impound lot. I defy you to watch any of these scenes without deciding it might be time to change the channel.

And all of that doesn't even take into account the awful dialogue. It's almost as if the person writing the movie had never heard people speak before. Particularly in my mind is the scene where White Cop and Black Cop are talking to Nicolas Cage right outside the diner where his mother works, but pretty much every time someone talks it is awkward. Especially every time that White Cop talks. He is just horrendous. I think the only character who doesn't suck is the guy who doesn't talk. Well, he talks at the end, but I have to assume that by then you've given up since all the action scenes are over.

Also, he jumps the car over traffic by driving it up a ramp on a truck. Come on now. Is this Grand Theft Auto IV?

And despite all of this, I continue to watch this travesty over and over. Well played, Gone In 60 Seconds. Well played indeed.

-Jon

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