Who is Matt and why is he criticizing my blog?

It's been a busy day here at mmmmopinions. First Jon praised the efficiency of the USPS. Then I wrote a piece making fun of some stuff (shocking right?) but then some Matt kid decided that he disagreed with my opinion so he started a feud that's sweeping the nation, "Bracketologygate." Make sure you go back and read them all because this has been without a doubt our most successful day ever. Or least successful, depends on how you view things but as you know, I tend to be a glass-half-full kinda guy. On with the rebuttal, which I'm going to try to do like an adult i.e. as little swearing as possible.

For starters, I have to congratulate this Matt guy on capturing my voice in his blog. Pretty much spot on. However, I did not clearly articulate what it is about Bracketology that I hate so much. I have no problem with Joey "Brackets" Lunardi making a fake bracket seeding teams where he thinks they'll be placed. I write a public online diary so who am I to judge? I have absolutely no problem using the selection criteria in order to compare teams, in fact, I believe that was one of the things I praised about Bracketology. Here's what I don't like about it: Doug Gottlieb and a bunch of other fucknuts, I mean jagoffs, I mean . . . sweethearts . . . stand in front of a board showing some team's selection profile. Then they go something like, "If you look at their strength of schedule and their record versus the RPI top 50 then I think they're in." This is where I have my issue with the whole system. That's the end of it. "They're in." End of conversation about that team. Tell me why that team makes it in compared to another team. Tell me about a similar team from years past if that's what this whole system is based on. I've watched Merril Hoge for like 8 minutes use that stupid touch screen board to illustrate one play. If you're not going to show me highlights (which I think I've already made fun of at one point, maybe?) than at least tell me what your opinion is based on. I'm watching live Sportscenter. I clearly don't have a lot going on.

Also, his analogies about ordering something online or checking baseball standings are inappropriate. HEAR THAT MATT? YOU'RE WRONG!!!! HOW DOES THAT TASTE? I like the all caps look. It makes my words more intimidating. They really fly off the screen at you. But I digress. The reason you track a shipment is to make sure at some point you actually receive it. Remember your original Happy Feet slippers? Neither do I because you never got them. Someone checks shipments to make sure their investment has been fulfilled. You only check bracketology if you're a fucking homo. Just kidding, kind of. My point is that tracking a shipment has nothing to do with bracketology because one pertains to receiving an actual good and the other is some guy's opinion about whether a team is good enough to make the tournament, i.e. providing less benefit to society than the Cleveland Orchestra. That one really was a joke.

The baseball analogy is much more relevant but I think you're misinterpreting it. I agree that people check the standings because they want to see how their team is doing in relation to other teams. That's what bracketology apparently provides. But people don't look at standings in May in order to judge whether or not their team is going to make the playoffs. It's about how that team stacks up against the rest of the league. Have they separated themselves from the teams in their division, or their league or all of baseball? Is there one team that's on a completely different level than the other teams? It's not about whether they'll make the playoffs, rather it's whether or not they're playing better than the other teams at this point in the season. I like the ESPN standings because it has all the stats like runs scored and runs allowed and stuff like that so that you can really see how specific parts of your team compare to other competitors. In that regard its probably just like bracketology. But in terms of checking whether or not they'll make the playoffs? I really don't think that factors into it.

This is likley my last post regarding "Bracketologygate" because I'm sure you're either confused or bored or both by it. Don't apply this to this post because I'm sure you'll just be really mean about it but you people (What do you mean "you people"), yeah you people who actually read this crap need to get involved. Leave some comments, let me know how you're feeling. Do you enjoy my profanity laced rants or my incessant need to make fun of every commercial? I don't know because nobody will fucking tell me so I'm stuck here watching bullshit commercials hoping that you assholes give two shits about what I have to say. So speak out.

-Slick