It's the last day of March and the last day that I feel the pressure of a self-imposed deadline. Consider this my temporary retirement from MMMM Opinions. But don't worry, I'm the Brett Favre of MMMM Opinions. Boom, roasted. So in honor of this most un-momentous occasion I'll be banging these opinions out faster than Tiger Woods runs through a hoodrat. Boom, roasted. For those of you keeping track at home that's now my second hoodrat reference in two days. I'm not sure what to make of that.
New Verizon Commercial: I find this one slightly disturbing. This is the one where some creepy mom and her daughter are at the mall and the voiceover guy goes, "It's the first time you're letting her go shopping on her own." So clearly what you need to do is download the app that lets you lo-jack your children so you know where they are at all times. Obviously if you live in the whore-factory that is Ludlow, Massachusetts then you need this app. Like that Ashley V. I've heard from multiple sources that she blows faster than a tornado. Does Melissa read this blog or was that reference completely wasted? Moving on, I'm not even joking when I tell you that at least 15 girls that I graduated with have already had children. I don't know whether girls in other towns are as slutty as they are in Slutlow (I assume they aren't because then we would all be in big, big trouble) so I'm not sure if this app is creepy or necessary. Either way, I feel slightly disturbed seeing a commercial advertising a way to spy on your children. Maybe you should just be a better parent?
Applebees Quesadilla Burger: I'm not yet a contributor to the world famous MMMM Burgers so I didn't really have an option, but I felt that this was too important to overlook for a technicality. I've only been to Applebees three times in my life, this being the third, and before Applebees dug in with two strikes I had yet to "eat good in the neighborhood." But holy schnikes, Applebees swung for the fences with this one. Two details need to be pointed out here: 1. I had to go to the Applebees website to remember what was on the burger because I forgot. 2. This is a positive opinion which may confuse you when you see the author at the end. I can assure you that it's authentic. This burger was topped with Mexi-ranch sauce, pico de gallo (I have absolutely no idea what this is), shredded lettuce, pepper jack, and cheddar quesadilla with bacon. Other than finding out what pico de gallo is because that would require too much research, I can safely say that I like everything on this burger. Also, its served between two crispy tortillas which was a fantastic surprise. This burger was awesome so if you ever find yourself at an Applebees and don't know what to order, I recommend this. I also enjoyed writing a positive opinion so maybe I should review food more often.
Smoke #7: Slightly disturbed followed by a legitimately positive opinion. It's been a real roller coaster ride this week but I hope you enjoyed it. I know I kind of did. I'll be back in about 3 hours to announce my un-retirement.
I feel like I should point out that I have absolutely no knowledge of Ashley Venancio other than that she is Melissa's cousin. I feel bad for the position she has been put in, you know, other than the position of being under Luis. Boom roasted.
-Slick
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I believe pico de gallo is ground up rooster penis. "Pico" is a slang term for wangs, and I know that "gallo" means rooster, so the rough translation would be "penis of rooster."
ReplyDeleteHow gross would that be? It's actually similar to salsa, but without the sauciness. Sort of like if you took all the vegetables from salsa and mixed them together without pureeing it.
Also, Melissa is going to kill you.